TAR 5 episode 9 ranking

Leg nine

Previously on TAR: Teams flew to Dubai but that didn’t really matter because Colin’s taxi troubles were the only thing that was interesting. He broke an agreement with a cab driver that led to the police intervening.  But were rewarded with a trip to the sunny Caribbean for winning the leg. Where is karma? Nicole and Brandon had tension because of money too. A detour forced teams to race to the clue box from two different directions. Bowling Moms beat out Kamkar to the pit stop. It was a non-elimination. Kamkar say they will be the first all female team to win after losing their money. Who will be eliminated this round?

– Intro time. The cab driver from last leg was very Stewie Griffin. “Where’s my money, man? Give my money. Give me my money. You have until 5 o’ clock. Or whenever your flight leaves.”

– Phil introduces us to Dubai. It is the most prosperous city in the Arab world and the eighth pit stop in the world. We are reminded Kamkar have been stripped. . .of all money. Will Kamkar be defeated by this obstacle? That’s the only question Phil has. He would make a poor lawyer.

– Colin & Christie, first to arrive at 10:51am, depart at 10:51pm.

– Drive yourselves to the city of Dubai and find Wild Wadi which is the largest water park outside of the United States.

– Christie says Colin’s frustration leads to them making mistakes.

Frustration? Or complete jack—ery to the locals?

– Brandon says him and Nicole are generally getting along as they depart at 11:27pm. This is interrupted by a question from Nicole.

NICOLE: They have those church things everywhere, don’t they?
BRANDON: What church things?
NICOLE: What are they called. . .a mosque or something? They’re on every corner. It’s like Starbucks.

No comment.

– Chip & Kim depart. I am sure they’re happy to have money.

How they made money during the pit stop.

– Bowling Moms sneak up on Chip & Kim in the trailing car.

– Brandon asks for directions. He says they’re going on blind faith.

Have you checked out those Church things? Mosques?

– Kamkar depart 12:14am to soft guitar music. That’s an 83 minute stretch from first to last. They plan to use whatever ‘sexual gifts’ God gave them.

Roadblock: Who’s looking for a good time?

– Chip & Kim enter the tent with Colin & Christie.

COLIN: I feel like I can trust Chip & Kim more than the other teams. We want to help each other get to the top three
.
KIM: We want Colin and Christie to self-destruct.
CHRISTIE: How’d you get here so fast?
CHIP: I was a wheelman for the mob.
KIM: Actually we did get lost.

CHIP: We want Colin to get so overconfident and try to impress Christie and the other racers that he’ll make a mistake.

– First cut to Kamkar is one of them saying “We’re lost!”. They find another local to ask for money and directions.

If it were Troyzan, the man would say he is beyond the charm. But this is no Troyzan.

He empties out his pockets and gives out two hundred dollars. That is probably more money than what the Bowling Moms have or what Chip & Kim have. He is not beyond the charm. Kamkar follow him and compliment the car he is driving. Geez.

– Bowling Moms then Brandon & Nicole then Kamkar get there.

– Teams enter the gates. Chip runs a box that lists numbers ‘1’ through ‘5’. This lets Nicole sneak in to grab ‘1’, Chip ‘2’, Linda ‘3’, Colin ‘4’, and Kamkar ‘5’. Then teams find the clue. They must climb the path to the waterslide known as Jumeirah Sceirah. The slide is more than 108 feet high and go as fast as 150 miles per hour. Sounds wild.

– Brandon & Nicole finish. Their next clue is merely in Kolkata/Calcutta, India 2, 100 miles away at a monument that is 170-feet tall known as the Saheed Minar.

– Brandon wants to get a cab but Nicole reminds him the clue says to drive themselves to the airport.

– Chip & Kim take a taxi.

– Linda looks for a cab but Karen reminds her to drive themselves.

– Colin & Christie and Kamkar both interpret their clue no problem.

– Kim re-reads the clue not long into the cab ride and stops the financial bleeding.

– For the past minute editors zoom in on a forgotten fanny pack at the waterslides. The mystery is solved right away as Karen asks where the pack is. Linda says she has no idea. Time to turn this truck around.

– Colin & Christie have moved into first place. They find a Jet Airways flight that gets in at 9:30am. Brandon & Nicole get on the flight too.

– Bowling Moms get their pack. Linda asks a taxi driver to take them to the airport. He is going there anyway. They follow him.

– Chip & Kim get back to the slides. They are back in the truck.

– Bowling Moms hug the cab driver. They run into the airport.

MORE cab problems?!

LINDA: We don’t have forty-one dollars.

Linda tells the camera how they already gave the cab driver a five dollar tip and is pissed how he wanted his full fare.

CAB DRIVER: I know some people.

Cab drivers are okay with not having their full fare paid, right?

Tanzania, UAE, it doesn’t matter. Disgruntled cabbies who ask for too much are found everywhere!

She knows their situation all too well. Their fun has just begun.

– Security guard asks Linda to come with him. Cab driver re-emphasizes it is forty-one DINAR. Linda catches onto this and finds out it is fifteen dollars. Karen gives him the money, and he thanks them and leaves. Linda is laughing as she tells this story. That’s different than the Tanzanian tradition of tossing the money to the ground.

– Everyone is on the 9:30am flight except Chip & Kim. They are on a 9:40am flight. So ten minutes is not a big deal.

– The usual India music we hear when teams enter India in every dang season plays. The drums and the young songstrees on the tape.

– This is the longest they have gone without mentioning the smell in India. Nope. Fifty seconds and Brandon acknowledges the bad smell. Kamkar agrees.

– COLIN: Calcutta is just a beautiful city that gives you a good look at human culture.

This is Colin doing a joke. He is smiling but Christie is most definitely not. She gives him a tongue lashing for making fun of a culture.

His defense?

– Chip & Kim land and get a cab. Brandon asks if the cab has a flat tire. The cabbie flashes a smile and says ‘yeeeah’. Brandon smiles too and takes Nikki to find another cab. I love how it’s very ‘ohhhh, you got me! You blonde haired pretty boy you.’

– Colin & Christie get to the yield. Phil explains the yield for the first time since leg one. What a big role this has played in TAR. /eye roll.

– They choose not to yield. There is a fast forward but they’ve already done it. Only option is to drive to the Globe Brick Factory.

– Chip & Kim are SECOND to the route marker. They had a great cab. They open the fast forward. Phil says teams are told to drive to a traditional Hindu ritual. What teams don’t know is that they must shave their head. Yep this is the beginning of the head shaving in India fast forward ritual. From TAR 5 to TAR 20 it remains. Chip & Kim conclude somebody ahead must have taken it and leave for the factory.

– Brandon & Nicole get to the clue box next. They see Chip & Kim and convince themselves everybody will take it.

– Bowling Moms see fast forward but think everyone is going for it. So do Kamkar who walked to Sahid Minar.

– Roadblock time. In this roadblock someone enters a traditional Indian mud factory. They must create twenty satisfactory bricks to receive their next clue. Colin is doing it. He watches the master before starting. He does not wait.

– Chip gets to the roadblock. Kim pays attention to detail and reports to him how to do it.

– Christie tells Colin the master does it in one blob in the brick slate. Colin brags by saying he used four blobs. His come out all wrong while Chip’s comes out fine.

– Chip has two done. Colin fails again. Christie says Colin needs to pack it.

COLIN (slaps ground): I’m packing it!

He is slapping the ground in the same manner as when Donkey Kong is crouched slapping the ground hoping a few bananas come out.

– Brandon is next to do the roadblock. Brandon, Chip, and Colin have done every roadblock so far except one.

– Karen is doing it. Colin has one and so does Karen. Chip has three. Christie tries to encourage Colin but he says she is killing him. That is ironic because I think the opposite may happen.

– Colin catches up to Chip at five. Karen has three. Brandon is still at zero. Kamkar struggle. Brandon has done nothing while the other three teams are at ten. Nicole beats Kamkar to figuring out that if all five teams are at the roadblock then. . .

They should go for the fast forward!

COLIN: Of course they’re doing the fast forward. Everyone is here!

– Those not doing the roadblock are so bored that they have to do things to entertain themselves.

Like play patty cake with the brick foreman.

– Colin & Christie are first to finish. They must travel by taxi to the train where they will ride until Sealdah Train Station.

– Chip is dedicating his brick laying to an uncle who did it for forty years before passing away. Big Lou is his name. He did it for Big Lou.

– Bowling Moms are next done. They are second. Or as Chip says, ‘the freakin mothers beat us’. He finishes the roadblock.

– Kami has done two bricks after forty-five minutes. At that pace she will finish in nearly seven hours. Karli says she can do it better than she can and keeps telling her to watch the expert do it until Kami shouts back that she is.

– The three teams talk about the unreliability of taxi drivers. Chip & Kim’s cab beats Colin & Christie’s cab. Bowling Moms see the other two teams. The first two teams buy their tickets and are ready to board.

– Bowling Moms gave their taxi driver all their rupees. They get to the ticket counter and the guy behind the window says they only accept rupees. There is no system for dollars. Linda launches into super whiny mode.

– They get on the trains where Christie is the next victim of being fondled on an Indian train. Colin is ready to bust an a–.

Him versus Colin. Place your bets.

– Linda whines to ten more people before getting into a cab where they will exchange their money. Is this payback for telling Jim & Marsha to exchange their pesos in the second leg? Who knows.

– Kamkar is stuck at the roadblock. Kami wears sunglasses before taking her next significant attempt at the roadblock and produces a couple solid bricks.

– Bowling Moms are in cab. They ask where the bank is and the driver says it is in Calcutta. Linda shouts to stop the cab. She exits the cab and goes to the driver’s window to barter a really good rate for the driver. She screams when she re-enters the cab.

– Kamkar are done the roadblock All of the teams are everywhere.

– Brandon & Nicole get to the fast forward. I have never heard Brandon so flabbergasted. We have to shave our HEADS?! Both of them are in the modeling industry. Nicole says Brandon’s hair is what sells and Brandon says Nicole’s hair is what sells. Neither entertain the idea of shaving  their heads. Nicole cries in the cab and Brandon resolves this by praying to God to let him make bricks.

– Linda shouts at Karen to get to the train station.

KAREN: Linda has been whining and I want her to be quiet. If you’re gonna whine just shut up.

Daniel Powter would say she’s had a bad day.

– Kamkar barely miss the Bowling Moms’ train. I have a feeling the Bowling Moms will not get groped.

– Detour time. Heavy but Short or Light but Long. In Heavy but Short, teams travel ten miles to Lans Down and choose a taxi. The task is to transport it a half mile. What teams don’t know is that the taxi has no engine. Therefore they must push it real good. P-p-p-push it reallll good. Push it into the garage to get their next clue. In Light but Long (which I know all too well), teams must find a flower stall in a hectic market. Buy a flower wreath and release it in the Ganges River. The Ganges’ environmental concerns are not addressed. Once done they will get their next clue.

– Chip & Kim and Colin & Christie are on a bus together. Chip explains the strategy of stroking Colin’s ego as much as possible.

– Brandon returns to the roadblock. He says he finishes it quickly because the pressure is off and editing makes it appear they finish it instantly.

– Chip & Kim and Colin & Christie see the keys for their taxi. Nice tease by production. The result is that both teams shout for the people to help them push the cabs.

COLIN: Woman driver!

KIM: He put his big ol butt in the car while he made me push. Can you believe that?

Chip copies Tyson Apostol’s s— eating grin.

– Chip and Christie are sitting in the cab. I am assuming that was a rule that one person had to sit at all times.

– Bowling Moms get to detour. Then Kamkar.

– Chip & Kim and Colin & Christie complete detour. The number of people pushing the cabs is one of the most amazing things I have seen in TAR history. Real people pitching in to push a cab in the middle of a crowded street. I could not entertain the image of that happening where I live.

– Pit stop time. Take a cab to Victoria Memorial. Last team to arrive may be eliminated otherwise Phil robs them. Same deal as always.

– CHRISTIE: That wasn’t so bad.
COLIN: For you! You drove the damn thing!

How do you drive a car that has no engine?

– Slow quiet and eerie music plays as Brandon shakes hands with a little boy. A crowd gathers to stare at Nicole. She says she is claustrophobic and the people staring at her make her nervous.

The guy on the left is my favourite.

– The train comes. Brandon & Nicole are not ready for what will happen. Hope you’re ready Nicole. Their reaction is great.

Brandon it’s all on you. Good luck fending off those busy, busy hands.

NICOLE: Brandon, can you help me wash the carpets?
BRANDON (watching an exciting play in baseball): Lord, help her.
NICOLE: Brandon, can you answer the door?
BRANDON (on couch reading a book): Lord, help her.

His tone is like he is asking his son or daughter to do it for him as he rests. I’ve replayed it four times and the exchange still cracks me up.

– Linda meanwhile almost gets killed by a bike. They get to the engine-less cab. Linda sits in the cab and shouts for the kids to help her. Karen is sitting in the backseat of the cab. Do you think Karen will pay Linda the fare? Kamkar do the same thing where both sit in the cab. Why not have at least one person push? I s’pose sitting in a cab as a bunch of Indians push you down several blocks is not an everyday experience.

– Both teams complete the detour. Victoria Memorial here we come.
KAMKAR (in unison): ohmygodthatwasosweet.

– Colin & Christie sprint to the mat while Chip & Kim lightly jog. Colin & Christie are given the usual red dot and flowers on their head like they do every season in India. They win a trip to exotic Mexico. Chip hugs Colin on the way to the mat. They know they are team number two.

– Bowling Moms are convinced they’re last. They run into the pit stop. Kamkar’s cab pulls up. Production builds suspense before we see who it is.

PHIL: You’re team number three.
LINDA: After all we’ve been through we still get here in three?

Epic death music plays as Kamkar land at the pit stop. They jump up and cheer when they hear they are fourth.

– It shifts from day to night for Brandon & Nicole. They also did the cab detour. Farewell music plays as they summarize their great relationship. They assume they will be ousted. They hold hands and walk gracefully into the pit stop.

PHIL: Brandon & Nicole, you are the last team to arrive.

Content to leave. Philiminate us, dear Phil.
.
.
.
.
PHIL: Good news it’s a non-elimination and you’re still in the race.

TWO non-eliminations in a row? It’s not like they just did that two seasons ago!

BRANDON: WHAT! Oh. My. Goodness.

– Phil takes their money and asks what it’s like to be in India with no money.

NICOLE: The Lord really wants us in the game and gave us a second chance.

God pre-planned all of these non-eliminations, Nicole. Sorry to burst your bubble.

– Next time on TAR: Kamkar run into problems at the airport. Christie demands Colin to respect her authoritah. And teams become Bubble Boy.

Brandon&Nicole 6.6
Kami&Karli 8
Linda&Karen 8.3
Colin&Christie 4.5
Chip&Kim 8.8

12th Debra & Steve 12.0
12th Gina & Sylvia 12.0
11th Dennis & Erika 11.0
11th Deidre & Hilary 11.0
11th Matt & Ana 11.0
9th Peggy & Claire 9.0
10th Dennis & Andrew 9.0 FF
10th Russell & Cindy 8.33
10th Kim & Leslie 8.0
9th Jim & Marsha 7.33
8th Dave & Margaretta 7.0
10th Hope & Norm 7.0
6th Lenny & Karyn 6.43
7th Paul & Amie 6.2
8th Steve & Dave 6.2 FF
11th Amanda & Chris 6.0
6th Andre & Damon 5.86
8th Michael & Kathy 5.8
7th Cyndi & Russell 5.8

9th Heather & Eve 5.75
5th Nancy & Emily 5.67
10th Alison & Donny 5.5
6th Tian & Jaree 5.43 FF
7th Monica & Sheree 5.33 FF
7th Marshall & Lance 5.33
8th Bob & Joyce 5.25
7th Silver & Gold 5.17
9th Steve & Josh 5.0 – FF
9th Pat & Brenda 5.0 – FF
5th John Vito & Jill 4.8 – FF
2nd Teri & Ian 4.53 – FF
8th Shola & Doyin 4.25 – FF
6th Mary & Peach 4.14 (Two failed FF attempts.)
3rd David & Jeff 4.00 – FF
4th Oswald & Danny 4.00 – FF
5th Gary & Dave 3.89 – FF
2nd Kelly & Jon 3.85
4th Jon & Al 3.73
6th Charla & Mirna 3.71
3rd Blake & Paige 3.69 – FF
5th Millie & Chuck 3.67 FF
1st Chris & Alex 3.38 – FF
4th Kevin & Drew 3.36 – FF
1st Reichen & DK 3.15 – FF
4th Derek & Drew 3.10 – FF
3rd Joe & Bill 2.76 – FF
2nd Tara & Wil 2.53 – FF
1st Flo & Zach 2.69 – FF
3rd Ken & Gerard 2.69 – FF
1st Rob & Brennan – 2.46 FF
2nd Frank & Margarita 2.38 – FF

Rank the Legs
——-

1) St. Petersburg -> Giza (Ancient Egypt? The race goes to freakin Ancient Egypt?! God this leg was memorable. Egypt never entered my mind as a destination. The leg was very up and down for all of the teams. Unless you’re Colin & Christie. Yeah there was a stupid Fast Forward but it had no bearing on this leg. Colin & Christie finished with perhaps the biggest lead at a pit stop. Kamkar effs up with a puzzle, Linda effs up her ankle, and Marshall effs up his knee. Nobody was safe. Well, actually everyone was safe. I remember how blown away I was when the last place team lost all of their money and would have zero money for the next leg. My biggest complaint about the first four seasons of TAR had been eliminated. All of the viewers speculated how much of an impact having zero dollars to your name would paralyze you in the race. Charla & Mirna’s Trojan attack in the airport was pretty good too. This is the best non-elimination leg as well because TAR broke the predictable structure of 6-5-4-3 or 5-5-3. Even though there is only four non-eliminations we see it first occur with seven teams which was a necessary shake-up for the race. It forced you to run hard on every leg. Best location ever for the race and a very memorable episode.)

2) San Carlos de Bariloche -> St. Petersburg (I have nothing bad to say about this leg. Mirna continued her path of destruction with other teams as she interrupts Colin and hurls nasty insults. In addition she taunts teams at the roadblock for good measure. If nobody knew who Colin was last episode, they certainly did this episode as he once again stepped in the leader role and booked bus tickets for four teams. They in turn gave them the best flight available. Speaking of flights, the journey from Patagonia to St. Petersburg is perhaps my favourite of all-time in the series. There were five–FIVE planes! Editors should be given an Emmy for editing an episode that likely lasted four or five days into a 40 minute block. Seriously. The tasks were very inspired too. Vodka at midnight, hockey shots with amateurs, and eating the delicacy known as caviar. Do the rich have terrible taste? Chip & Kim’s random jump from being next to last several times into being first place and passing the mactors was great. Nicole and Christie’s reaction to the caviar was one of the funniest things I had seen on the race. Nicole nearly goes unconscious because she doesn’t like the food! The pit stop location is pretty dang epic. Brandon & Nicole cutting ties with their closest allies was also entertaining for its short-sighted move. Overall a very very very good episode of TAR. Even if we lose Bob & Joyce.)

3) Cairo -> Luxor (A gigantic equalizer at the start of the leg is a quick strike. Colin & Christie’s lead should not have been taken down from seven hours to zero minutes before they reach the inside of the pyramid. The shove between Mirna and them was proof of how much nearly everyone hates Mirna which had never been witnessed before. It made the Guidos look like moral gods. Tasks were very inspired. We moved from the royal Ancient Egypt tasks in leg five to the more peasant like tasks of Ancient Egypt here in leg six. No one knew what a scarab was. Junk shots from the goats. Colin awkwardly riding a donkey. The only other downer for this leg is that the Pizza Bros were DOA from the moment I saw Marshall walking out of the pit stop. Kamkar’s poop allergy balanced this.

4) Buenos Aires -> San Carlos de Bariloche (Awesome leg. Pizza Bros’ confrontation with Mirna is so quotable. I have imitated Marshall saying “I hate her sooo much” at least once a month. I have yet to get the accent down. The frenzy in the airport is one of the series’ best. Brandon & Nikki betraying Mirna was great. Mirna wondering why everyone treats her so badly by then pulling an underhanded move on Pizza Bros was great. Colin joining in on the bashing by saying “we have to beat the midget!” creates a clear theme for the season. No taxis are present in this leg which is always awesome. The tasks are great considering how small of a space they are in. Well rounded. Oh, and Kamkar swimming to the pit stop.)

5) Luxor -> Kilimanjaro (Ranking these legs are really tough for TAR 5. I s’pose the midway leg will hover around the midway point because it was solid but not terribly memorable. Nobody quits, hangs out at the Sphinx, or shouts ‘b—’ in opposing taxis. In fact if anything this leg would be considered a slight disappointment. Right when Mirna has a shoving battle with Christie, Mirna is knocked out along with Charla because of luck as opposed to one titan or another using brilliant strategy to get ahead. How in the world was the yield not used by Colin & Christie? Despite losing our star team it was a fun leg. This is one of the most remote locations for the race but also fairly populated. The chaos between Brandon & Nicole with the Calgary guy was fascinating. Chip & Kim stop to hang out with people on the detour on the race is even better. Seeing Colin’s intensity mount to nothing more than whining about eggs was great. There is not much else to say about the leg. Perhaps too much time spent in airports pumping up ‘clash of the titans’ when it amounts to nothing?)

6) Dubai -> Kolkata/Calcutta/Mother Teresa Land (Non-eliminations are plagued by police intervening on cab fare disputes. Teams catch up on flights. Wicked waterslide. The beginning of Chip’s campaign to foster Colin’s self-destruction. India’s train rides minus Kelly’s booty getting pinched from last season. Unique engine-less taxi. Two non-eliminations in a row can be a bit much. At least they caught us off guard with the non-elimination at the very least.)

7) Kilimanjaro -> Dubai (It’s tough to rank an episode where only one event worthwhile happens. No elimination, no roadblock, and one big equalizer. This leg was all about money. Colin didn’t want to spend it to the point he would go to jail, Brandon does it only if there is no other choice, and Chip thinks tipping cabs will only have its benefits such as cheap skating a different cab by giving him ten less dollars than required. Nothing else occurs this episode.)

8) Montevideo -> Buenos Aires (Mega discos are awesome. Charla asking directions from a prostitute. Kamkar and Chip & Kim get into a mud fight thinking they are last place but it turns out it was all for naught and in fact the face-off in the cab nearly had Alison & Donny catch up. Taxi vs. Bus dilemma was good because it made you think short term versus long term. At the time Alison’s elimination was a bonus because the stunt casting team would not be able to corrupt more than two episodes. The only negative is that we had to see dogs having sex.)

9) Santa Monica -> Maldonado (Although it is this low it is by no means a bad premiere. It’s a great premiere. Jim’s knee injury, Charla & Mirna’s craziness, Chip, Kim, Kamkar, and Donny ignoring a preposition in the clue would be enough to have this premiere be the best leg in any season. But this is TAR 5. There’s just too many memorable and entertaining legs that topple the premiere. The fact Jim & Marsha survive and boring couple Dennis & Erika are first out was one of the better scenarios. Biggest negative for the leg is that the semi-celebrity team is the one that wins the leg. Nearly everyone in the audience thought Alison’s win on this leg was rigged. Obviously this would prove to not be the case. There was also too many equalizers.)

Rank the Teams
—-

6) Dennis & Erika

Why is it that I have nothing to say about the first couple that gets eliminated in each season? They are likely underdeveloped and are branded with zero personality so we do not care about them. Matt & Ana, Hope & Norm, Debra & Steve, and now Dennis & Erika. Dennis played the nice guy to the point it was irritating. All because he could not handle being labeled as a scumbag which none of the other teams really meant too seriously. I doubt anyone cared about their storyline of getting back together and being re-engaged.

5) Alison & Donny

I never approved of Alison being cast on the race. Although Big Brother is not too popular internationally I would say it is still unfair to the other players. Why not cast someone who has yet to appear on one of the big three reality shows? Instead Alison is cast solely for her name. We are lucky that the couple’s extreme lack of compatibility made them have the most ridiculous fights ever seen on TAR, and we are also lucky they did it in an honest and non-camera whoring fashion. They earned their airtime by winning the first leg then falling to last place on the next. I just wished TAR didn’t continue the practice of casting d-list celebrities in the future.

4) Marshall & Lance

Pizza Bros who are loud, witty, and offensive to anyone they don’t like. They gave great confessionals and got along surprisingly well for being a loud sibling team. They were ultimately a casting mistake, though. Marshall should never have been allowed to enter the race as heavy as he was. I cannot recall anybody who has entered the race heavier than he was. His knees were bound to be ruined. I think even Steve & Dave from TAR 4 had an easier time.

However, if you eliminate the weight, there is no real reason why this team should not have been cast. They were great television despite being scumbags. That’s right. Scumbags.

3) Bob & Joyce

The Internet dating couple. Both lost a spouse to cancer but on the race discovered they truly loved each other. They were at the front of the pack for most of the race until a business class ticket screwed them over. Bob looking humorously old and Joyce’s wacky attitude only made them more likeable. They were the first older team outside of Teri & Ian that I truly liked in TAR. Sure Bob got into an odd fight with my man Chip, but hey, who knows how much of that two second clip was set up by editing. It sucks how they went out.

2) Jim & Marsha

One of my favourite teams. Who wasn’t disappointed to see them go early? They nearly miss the first flight of the game because Jim tripped on the pier and had a nail go into his knee. A ton of blood. They were nice and polite to the other teams but remained competitive. Incidentally the only time they finished outside of last place (or next to last place) is a leg that did not involve planes. Sometimes the bad luck is not with the taxis but rather with airports.

They are also the first father-daughter team to be on the race.

1) Charla & Mirna

Otherwise known as “Schmirna & Mirna”. Seriously, can you think of a reason why these two should not be cast? Charla is the first Little Person on the race. However her partner is perhaps the most polarizing person to ever be on The Amazing Race. It goes against the stereotype of reality TV contestants who are celebrated for their disabilities and positively breaking barriers. Mirna & Charla contradict this. Mirna is a conniving mothaf—er and Charla plays along. They have fun, cry, yell at other teams, play victim, play bully, and can do the whole cycle in every single episode. Plus they have the highest ranking of any team to finish in sixth.

Need we say more? Or as we say on Martha Stewart’s Apprentice, need we play more?

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