TAR 5 episode 6 ranking

Leg six
—-

Previously on TAR: I used way too many screen caps. Colin & Christie bickered but claimed that stupid fast forward and have a seven hour lead. The Giza terrain led to the highest number of TAR injuries. Marshall’s leg specifically is mentioned. Bowling Moms and Kamkar were stupid. Chip received redemption and dragged Kamkar out of last place. Phil pulled a gun on the Bowling Moms and took all of their money that Phil will no doubt spend on crack. Who will be eliminated this round? Because there’s no way there can be two consecutive non-elimination legs this early right?

– Intro time. Lots of head turning in unison.

– We are introduced to Cairo which is the most populated place in Africa. On the outskirts is Giza which is surprisingly vast and empty despite bordering Cairo’s population. We are reminded Bowling Moms have nothing. We are shown Bowling Moms entering a bus at Giza heading to the pit stop. They’re crying.

Phil asks if Bowling Moms can overcome this obstacle and if Colin & Christie can maintain their lead.

– 11:27pm departure for Colin & Christie. Head inside one of the Great Pyramids. 350 feet deep. That’s thirty-five stories down. It happens to be the geographic centre of the earth. How awesome is that?

– Hours of operation: 6am to 6pm. Second team checked in at 6:40am. Their lead has cut down from seven hours to forty minutes.

We fast forward to six o’ clock. They head inside the pyramid.

I am jealous.

– They reach the clue.

– CHRISTIE: Experts say the pyramids are the centre of creation. Now make your way to the mound of creation at the Karnak Temple in Luxor, Egypt.

– Phil says teams must go to domestic airport (known as the Old airport). They can choose a commercial flight or a domestic flight at 11:30am. From there find the clue in the Karnak Temple.

– Colin & Christie snag a cab. Colin admits teams will likely catch up at the airport.

– Charla & Mirna check out at 6:40am. Mirna says teams are finally coming around to the idea of them being a strong team.

– Nicole thinks her and Brandon make a good team.

– Kim feels Chip is the leader. She wants to find a way to contribute to the activities.

Charla & Mirna enter the pyramid. Mirna is wrapped up as much as possible while Charla is standing upright and is running down the pyramid at a leisurely pace.

– Brandon takes off his shirt when they get to the clue simultaneously with Mirna. Nicole thinks Brandon looks good with his shirt off.

MIRNA: Brandon looks good with his shirt off. I realize that and appreciate that.

Hopefully the cameras are off for the appreciating part.

This must be the most boring leg if there are THREE confessionals about Brandon removing his shirt in the pyramid.

– Chip crawls through the pyramid on his hands and feet.

– Everyone requests to go to the Old Airport.

– Colin instructs the cab to stay as he finds out if there’s an earlier flight available. He gets to the counter at 7:12 for the 7:30 flight but the person behind the counter says it is closed.

– Pizza Bros depart at 7:21am. It seems 2nd to 5th are all pretty close together.

MARSHALL: My knees feel significantly better than when I came in on the last leg. The nerves are irritated under my knee caps.

Is that what his doctor told him? Or is the Italian fellow now Dr. Mario?

Lance considers the clue.

LANCE: You can get down. The question is can you get back up?

– We switch to Chip in a cab.
CHIP: Marshall is going to have some serious problems with his knees going down the pyramid. It was straining on my knees and I don’t have any knee problems.

– They enter the pyramid.
MARSHALL: My knees are killing me.

Wait? Your knees hurt, Marshall? That’s new.

– We’re now at Terminal 2 of the airport. Colin & Christie were initially at terminal one.

An Arabic man told Mirna to go to terminal one. Mirna says they should take the next cab that comes.

– CHARLA: Mirna, they just arrived. We’ll take their taxi.

Who is ‘they’?

Uh, I don’t think you’ll be able to steal the cab, Mirna.

COLIN: Excuse me this is our cab. We never f—ing left our taxi. Our s— is in the trunk. Sorry my s— is in the trunk!

Who? Me? Bellisimo? I don’t speak uh English.

CHRISTIE: Get out that is so rude. The audacity of these people.

MIRNA: It’s like I’m in junior high. They are like bullies trying to put me down. They disgust me.

Is this Mirna or Whitney Duncan on Survivor: South Pacific? And what type of junior high school experience did Mirna have where she sat in the taxis of her peers? What teen takes a taxi? To skip school to go to a mall, maybe? Odd experience.

CHRISTIE: I can’t get over it. They’re so rude.

Mirna returns her comments in Spanish. Translation:

I think Mirna made it junior high. She stole a cab, blamed it on somebody who had rightful ownership to the cab, then cursed them in a language they couldn’t understand.

Now that’s junior high.

Wait. Not quite. I spoke too soon. Until Mirna spits anyway. Here, I even marked it for you.

It is junior high certified.

– Pizza Bros are in the pyramid. Lance takes it step by step. They get to the clue at 8:10am for a flight at 11:30am. Marshall is moving in slow motion when they exit the pyramid.

– Kamkar depart at 8:33am.

KAMKAR: Most of the time we’re confused. We don’t read the clue and that’s why we’re doing so poorly.

KAMKAR (confused): Descend?

Like. . .descend down the pyramid? How else do you plan to get down?

– Bowling Moms check out at 10:06am. They were much slower than I thought. Editing last episode made it look much closer than it was. Nearly two hour difference.

– Linda sells apples for money. They struggle until a tourist bus arrives at Giza. The freshly cash-laden tourists pour out money that could have been spent on souvenirs but instead funds potentially million dollar reality TV winners.

– They get inside the pyramid at 10:30am. Oh. Getting reduced to zero dollars is not a big deal after all. They could not have begged for more than five to ten minutes. They overcame an obstacle and no longer hanging by a thread, Phil.

– Bowling Moms tell taxi driver to go to Old airport. Taxi driver repeats it in confirmation.

– Mirna says everyone is ready to be on the 11:30 flight except the Bowling Moms who have not shown up. Yes, even Kamkar found the airport and bought tickets.

– 11:10am. This is like an episode of 24. At 11:25am they get to the airport. They will make it.

Then this happens. In Soviet Russia, international means domestic. In Egypt, old means new. What a crazy world.

– Bowling Moms do not get to the Old airport until after 11:30am. But the plane was delayed. They walk in at 11:35am. Everyone is equalized. The plane was delayed until 1:45pm. It is a brand new race. Ugh?

– They get to Karnak Temple.
LINDA: This taxi driver is fast and he’s good.

– It’s a road race between the cabs. Chip asks to go faster and the driver obliges.

But I am sure Chip would rather not die. I have a feeling that’s what he must be thinking.

He wants to live, driver. He wants to live. Although you only race once.

– MIRNA: Fast, honey, fast.

Too much information, Mirna.

– Teams finally get to Karnak Temple. Once again teams scramble to the ticket counter for the KARNAK Temple.

Colin & Christie grind against Mirna as they are finished at the counter like they are backpacks during break in a university hallway.

MIRNA: Don’t push me like that again. Where the hell did that guy go?

MIRNA: Colin is jealous of me. He has a Napoleon complex. This crazy person is trying to assault me. His girlfriend is submissive and he is looking to dominate her.

The correct answer: Colin & Christie think you are a jack—, Mirna.

– Kamkar is in first and Chip & Kim are in second. Boy how the race has changed since we began. Kamkar and Chip & Kim being in top two in leg one does not count because of their hotel screwup, by the way.

Herd It or Haul It. In Herd It they ride on something called a Calish to Banana Island where they must herd ten sheep on a boat known as a fulaka. Then ride to the west bank of the Nile. Phil says once the sheep have been herded then it is “smooth sailing to the end of the task.

In Haul It, teams ride a Calish a shorter distance to Pigeon House Farm. Use a traditional tool called a Shadu to fill up an urn of water. They must then ride by donkey to a place nearby where they will pour the water into a larger urn. Once the urn is overflowing and wasting water, teams will receive their next clue. And yes, multiple trips will be needed.

– Kamkar and Chip & Kim both decide to Herd It. That’s what I herd. . . . .

– Kamkar directs Pizza Bros where the clue is inside the temple as they slowly walk inside.

– Chip & Kim chase.

CHIP: We’re doing Herd It. Where I guess we herd ten sheep or goat into a FULAKA and take it with a KACHENA across the MULAFO. I don’t even understand half of these doggone words.

Chip is cracking up and emphasizing each of the unusual words. Good stuff. I think Egyptians would wonder what doggone means.

– MARSHALL: We went to the goats because the other one looked like it had more walking.

You’re not in great shape when walking distance is making all of the decisions for you.

– Colin & Christie and Brandon & Nicole are filling up the urns.

COLIN: Pull its ass over there.

He says it without any jest in his voice. I have a feeling he said it with no pun intended. Mirna notes how Colin is dominating Christie by making her pull the donkey.

– MARSHALL: My knees are killing me but we won’t give up.

– Brandon and Nicole’s donkey is screaming in a high-pitched manner. Brandon jumps off to instruct Nicole how to pull a donkey because Brandon has clearly taken a semester at Donkey Pulling School. He is the ass expert. Sort of like Sir Mix A Lot.

– Kamkar forgot to tell the driver to take them to Banana Island. Driver turns around on road.

– Chip & Kim are first to the sheep.

– Colin & Christie’s donkey is whimpering too. The two donkeys eye each other down as they pass each other. Or should I say “ass each other”?

– Chip instructs Kim to herd the sheep while he hoists the sheep onto the boat.

– Camera zooms in on the sheep’s junk. Like REALLY close.

– Kim complains about not contributing on the detour.

– Colin & Christie are done the detour. They must take a taxi to Abu Temple which is filled with ancient carvings. Entrance of the temple is where the clue is anyway.

– Brandon & Nicole finish too.

– CHIP: South Central LA to the Nile River!

Ice Cube already made a movie about that–it’s called from ‘Acting Denial to The Nile’

– Linda herds the sheep as Karen takes them inside.

– Kamkar taxi sound byte “we need to haul butt” from episode two is used as they herd goats.

– Charla is herding the sheep. How tough is it to be around Charla & Mirna? Here is my proof.

The goat would rather head to Colin & Christie’s boat. Baaaad.

CHARLA: This one is the bad one!

Charla is right. It even has the same stone-faced expression as Colin.

– KAMKAR: The cousins are behind us and (sneeze) I think I’m allergic to poop.

If you listen carefully, Kamkar sneeze whenever they have to use the restroom. That’s why they are so skinny. The secret is to be allergic to your own excretion that you will not do anything that will create it in the first place.

– Mirna complains she is going to die.

Die laughing when she gets home as her whole family sees an obvious panty shot.

So will Linda’s family. The race has never had a series of underwear shots in its five season run to this point but for some reason we get two ridiculous shots. I remember when the episode originally aired and I felt fairly uncomfortable watching it. Odd TAR memory, I know. Similar to the first time I did a spinning bird kick as Chun Li.

– LANCE: Marshall’s legs are hurting him and I’m behind him all the way.

Marshall watches Lance do the detour. Great work.

– Chip unloads all the goats. They should have done the other detour.

– Habu Temple here we are. Colin & Christie are first to the roadblock. In this roadblock teams must dig for a stone scarab in a large dig site. They can use shovels or pans.

CHRISTIE: This task requires keen eyes and a lot of patience.
COLIN: Okay, I’ll do it.
CHRISTIE: Uh, keen eyes and a lot of patience.
COLIN: . . .Yeah.

Is that Christie’s first attempt at a joke all season?

– Colin thinks a scarab is a sword.

COLIN: Is this a scarab?
CHRISTIE: No. . .that’s a rock.

– Brandon enters to do the roadblock.

BRANDON: I don’t know what a scarab is.

I learned what a scarab is from the video game EarthBound.

– CHIP: Roadblock–you’re finally doing one.

– Ah. Kim enters the scene.

– COLIN: Do you know what a scarab is?
KIM: No.

– Colin finds the scarab. He shows it to his allies who happen to be the only two teams there.

COLIN: Finally we got lucky.

Did you forget about that 2:35am flight from last leg that was created out of nowhere? Or the fast forward appearing exactly when you have a humongous lead? Hello?

– Pit stop time. Hire a water taxi to head to Crocodile Island.

– Pizza Bros (well Lance really) unloads the goats.

– Linda is doing the roadblock because of her good eyes.

LINDA: What is it, Karen?
KAREN: What’s what?
LINDA: A scarab.

– KAMKAR: What the hell is a scarab?

– Chip introduces the twins.

– KAMKAR holds up what she think is a scarab.

KAMKAR: Is this a scarab?

KAMKAR: Wait. It’s a dried piece of poop!

Oh god. It’s poop! She’s allergic to poop, remember? Somebody call a medic! Does anyone have her epi pen?! We can’t have someone die on the race dammit!

– BRANDON: Pray for me Nikki.
NICOLE: I’ve been praying for you this whole time.

You’re in Egypt. Abide by their customs. Did you know Ra is the king of scarab finding?

– Kim completed her first roadblock.

– Brandon says Nicole helps him believe in himself.

– KAMKAR find the scarab. They are catapulted into third place.

For the second leg in a row she trips on her way to the pit stop. You nearly ran a perfect leg, Kamkar!

– Brandon found the scarab. They’re fourth. They head for the water taxi.

– Only Mirna and Linda are left to dig it up. Linda is whining.

LINDA: I quit.

It’s not verbally binding though.

– Mirna keeps digging and digging. The Battle of the Panties is upon us. Eventually Mirna finds it. She stands up and pulls up her pants and receives the next clue.

– Colin screams LAND HOOOOO when he sees the island. The boat docks. Him and Christie check in first place. Prizes are revived for the remainder of the race because Phil announces they have won a vacation to “exotic Mexico” courtesy of AA. Er, American Airlines that is.

– Chip & Kim and Kamkar acknowledge the beauty of the sky. So do Brandon & Nicole. Nicole feels great. Nicole forgot to mention this is 1000 times better than her eating caviar.

– Linda says she will be pissed if the Pizza Bros get there and find it in two seconds. Sure enough the invisible Pizza Bros for the past fifteen minutes has emerged.

LANCE: Roadblock–who has keen eyes and a lot of patience?

Excuse me, but is there any situation where Marshall is doing the roadblock? The roadblock could have said “This person should go f— himself if his name is Lance,” and Lance would be doing the roadblock regardless.

Lance chuckles. He says it may as well be him in case he has to go, well, anywhere.

– Chip & Kim finish in second.

– Once again Lance is walking thirty paces ahead of Marshall.

Who is who, you think? Note that there have been several shots as these all leg. This is the best one I found.

– Kamkar are third. It’s their best finish! Too bad Phil did not tell them this or rather it did not get aired in the episode.

– Brandon & Nicole are fourth.

– We get another cut. Holy crap Marshall is moving slow. The camera operator must be ecstatic whenever they work with Marshall for a leg because they don’t have to run with people like Colin & Christie or Brandon & Nicole. Or do embarrassing s— with Kamkar.

– Charla & Mirna are fifth.

– Cut to Marshall & Lance. Lance instructs him to keep going.

– Linda is digging in the dark. She found out and board the boat all in two seconds.

– Marshall & Lance are at the roadblock. Marshall sits in a chair holding a flashlight while Lance is digging.

LANCE: If a scarab is a rock I found it.

He doesn’t know what a scarab is either.

– Bowling Moms are officially sixth. Pizza Bros are dead meat.  I prefer veggie personally.

– It’s even darker than the twilight when Linda finished digging. Rough. Lance is persistent though right? They will push through to the pit stop and complete the leg like they’re the Jamaican bobsled team.

 

LANCE: Waste of my time.
MARSHALL: Okay game over.
LANCE: We see that six sides have been dug and completed, and we’re obviously the last team, and given the pain Marshall is in, we knew we couldn’t do it. Game over. We lost.

A team quits? What? Has this ever happened? Nancy & Emily skipped a detour but made it to the pit stop to receive the 24 hour penalty. Heather & Eve rode a taxi when it said walk to be eliminated. Guidos and Goats did not make it to the finish line and were left hanging in Alaska and Hawaii respectively. But a quit? What does production do? Send them straight to the pit stop like Shola & Doyin or Andre & Damon when they are too far behind?

The answer for a quit appears.

Phil physically comes on the course to greet the quitting team. This is Phil’s biggest step in being more central to the show since he greeted all of the teams at the pit stop as opposed to only the last place team.

– Phil says it is the first time he has come out to a team on the course and the first time anyone in history has quit. Keoghan has been studying up.

MARSHALL: I’m proud of the way Lance ran the race. There was no quit in him (editorial note: Marshall & Lance quit the race) and I apologize for ruining his chance to win a million dollars.

Shortest farewell yet.

Next time on TAR: Brandon & Nicole argue with the locals while Chip befriends them. Colin & Christie get physical with Charla & Mirna. Mirna pulls out a Ludacris quote.

So the Pizza Bros are gone. What a strange exit. We are less than halfway through the season which means the animosity between Charla & Mirna and Colin & Christie could go on for a long time. Somehow Kamkar have survived to the midway point of the season. Good for them.

Brandon&Nicole 2.3
Kami&Karli 4
Linda&Karen 8.5
Colin&Christie 7.4
Chip&Kim 5.3
Charla&Mirna 0.7
Marshall&Lance 7.5

12th Debra & Steve 12.0
12th Gina & Sylvia 12.0
11th Dennis & Erika 11.0
11th Deidre & Hilary 11.0
11th Matt & Ana 11.0
9th Peggy & Claire 9.0
10th Dennis & Andrew 9.0 FF
10th Russell & Cindy 8.33
10th Kim & Leslie 8.0
9th Jim & Marsha 7.33
8th Dave & Margaretta 7.0
10th Hope & Norm 7.0
6th Lenny & Karyn 6.43
7th Paul & Amie 6.2
8th Steve & Dave 6.2 FF
11th Amanda & Chris 6.0
6th Andre & Damon 5.86
8th Michael & Kathy 5.8
7th Cyndi & Russell 5.8

9th Heather & Eve 5.75
5th Nancy & Emily 5.67
10th Alison & Donny 5.5
6th Tian & Jaree 5.43 FF
7th Monica & Sheree 5.33 FF
7th Marshall & Lance 5.33
8th Bob & Joyce 5.25
7th Silver & Gold 5.17
9th Steve & Josh 5.0 – FF
9th Pat & Brenda 5.0 – FF
5th John Vito & Jill 4.8 – FF
2nd Teri & Ian 4.53 – FF
8th Shola & Doyin 4.25 – FF
6th Mary & Peach 4.14 (Two failed FF attempts.)
3rd David & Jeff 4.00 – FF
4th Oswald & Danny 4.00 – FF
5th Gary & Dave 3.89 – FF
2nd Kelly & Jon 3.85
4th Jon & Al 3.73
3rd Blake & Paige 3.69 – FF
5th Millie & Chuck 3.67 FF
1st Chris & Alex 3.38 – FF
4th Kevin & Drew 3.36 – FF
1st Reichen & DK 3.15 – FF
4th Derek & Drew 3.10 – FF
3rd Joe & Bill 2.76 – FF
2nd Tara & Wil 2.53 – FF
1st Flo & Zach 2.69 – FF
3rd Ken & Gerard 2.69 – FF
1st Rob & Brennan – 2.46 FF
2nd Frank & Margarita 2.38 – FF

Rank the Legs
——-

1) St. Petersburg -> Giza (Ancient Egypt? The race goes to freakin Ancient Egypt?! God this leg was memorable. Egypt never entered my mind as a destination. The leg was very up and down for all of the teams. Unless you’re Colin & Christie. Yeah there was a stupid Fast Forward but it had no bearing on this leg. Colin & Christie finished with perhaps the biggest lead at a pit stop. Kamkar effs up with a puzzle, Linda effs up her ankle, and Marshall effs up his knee. Nobody was safe. Well, actually everyone was safe. I remember how blown away I was when the last place team lost all of their money and would have zero money for the next leg. My biggest complaint about the first four seasons of TAR had been eliminated. All of the viewers speculated how much of an impact having zero dollars to your name would paralyze you in the race. Charla & Mirna’s Trojan attack in the airport was pretty good too. This is the best non-elimination leg as well because TAR broke the predictable structure of 6-5-4-3 or 5-5-3. Even though there is only four non-eliminations we see it first occur with seven teams which was a necessary shake-up for the race. It forced you to run hard on every leg. Best location ever for the race and a very memorable episode.)

2) San Carlos de Bariloche -> St. Petersburg (I have nothing bad to say about this leg. Mirna continued her path of destruction with other teams as she interrupts Colin and hurls nasty insults. In addition she taunts teams at the roadblock for good measure. If nobody knew who Colin was last episode, they certainly did this episode as he once again stepped in the leader role and booked bus tickets for four teams. They in turn gave them the best flight available. Speaking of flights, the journey from Patagonia to St. Petersburg is perhaps my favourite of all-time in the series. There were five–FIVE planes! Editors should be given an Emmy for editing an episode that likely lasted four or five days into a 40 minute block. Seriously. The tasks were very inspired too. Vodka at midnight, hockey shots with amateurs, and eating the delicacy known as caviar. Do the rich have terrible taste? Chip & Kim’s random jump from being next to last several times into being first place and passing the mactors was great. Nicole and Christie’s reaction to the caviar was one of the funniest things I had seen on the race. Nicole nearly goes unconscious because she doesn’t like the food! The pit stop location is pretty dang epic. Brandon & Nicole cutting ties with their closest allies was also entertaining for its short-sighted move. Overall a very very very good episode of TAR. Even if we lose Bob & Joyce.)

3) Cairo -> Luxor (A gigantic equalizer at the start of the leg is a quick strike. Colin & Christie’s lead should not have been taken down from seven hours to zero minutes before they reach the inside of the pyramid. The shove between Mirna and them was proof of how much nearly everyone hates Mirna which had never been witnessed before. It made the Guidos look like moral gods. Tasks were very inspired. We moved from the royal Ancient Egypt tasks in leg five to the more peasant like tasks of Ancient Egypt here in leg six. No one knew what a scarab was. Junk shots from the goats. Colin awkwardly riding a donkey. The only other downer for this leg is that the Pizza Bros were DOA from the moment I saw Marshall walking out of the pit stop. Kamkar’s poop allergy balanced this.

4) Buenos Aires -> San Carlos de Bariloche (Awesome leg. Pizza Bros’ confrontation with Mirna is so quotable. I have imitated Marshall saying “I hate her sooo much” at least once a month. I have yet to get the accent down. The frenzy in the airport is one of the series’ best. Brandon & Nikki betraying Mirna was great. Mirna wondering why everyone treats her so badly by then pulling an underhanded move on Pizza Bros was great. Colin joining in on the bashing by saying “we have to beat the midget!” creates a clear theme for the season. No taxis are present in this leg which is always awesome. The tasks are great considering how small of a space they are in. Well rounded. Oh, and Kamkar swimming to the pit stop.)

5) Montevideo -> Buenos Aires (Mega discos are awesome. Charla asking directions from a prostitute. Kamkar and Chip & Kim get into a mud fight thinking they are last place but it turns out it was all for naught and in fact the face-off in the cab nearly had Alison & Donny catch up. Taxi vs. Bus dilemma was good because it made you think short term versus long term. At the time Alison’s elimination was a bonus because the stunt casting team would not be able to corrupt more than two episodes. The only negative is that we had to see dogs having sex.)

6) Santa Monica -> Maldonado (Although it is this low it is by no means a bad premiere. It’s a great premiere. Jim’s knee injury, Charla & Mirna’s craziness, Chip, Kim, Kamkar, and Donny ignoring a preposition in the clue would be enough to have this premiere be the best leg in any season. But this is TAR 5. There’s just too many memorable and entertaining legs that topple the premiere. The fact Jim & Marsha survive and boring couple Dennis & Erika are first out was one of the better scenarios. Biggest negative for the leg is that the semi-celebrity team is the one that wins the leg. Nearly everyone in the audience thought Alison’s win on this leg was rigged. Obviously this would prove to not be the case. There was also too many equalizers.)

Rank the Teams
—-

5) Dennis & Erika

Why is it that I have nothing to say about the first couple that gets eliminated in each season? They are likely underdeveloped and are branded with zero personality so we do not care about them. Matt & Ana, Hope & Norm, Debra & Steve, and now Dennis & Erika. Dennis played the nice guy to the point it was irritating. All because he could not handle being labeled as a scumbag which none of the other teams really meant too seriously. I doubt anyone cared about their storyline of getting back together and being re-engaged.

4) Alison & Donny

I never approved of Alison being cast on the race. Although Big Brother is not too popular internationally I would say it is still unfair to the other players. Why not cast someone who has yet to appear on one of the big three reality shows? Instead Alison is cast solely for her name. We are lucky that the couple’s extreme lack of compatibility made them have the most ridiculous fights ever seen on TAR, and we are also lucky they did it in an honest and non-camera whoring fashion. They earned their airtime by winning the first leg then falling to last place on the next. I just wished TAR didn’t continue the practice of casting d-list celebrities in the future.

3) Marshall & Lance

Pizza Bros who are loud, witty, and offensive to anyone they don’t like. They gave great confessionals and got along surprisingly well for being a loud sibling team. They were ultimately a casting mistake, though. Marshall should never have been allowed to enter the race as heavy as he was. I cannot recall anybody who has entered the race heavier than he was. His knees were bound to be ruined. I think even Steve & Dave from TAR 4 had an easier time.

However, if you eliminate the weight, there is no real reason why this team should not have been cast. They were great television despite being scumbags. That’s right. Scumbags.

2) Bob & Joyce

The Internet dating couple. Both lost a spouse to cancer but on the race discovered they truly loved each other. They were at the front of the pack for most of the race until a business class ticket screwed them over. Bob looking humorously old and Joyce’s wacky attitude only made them more likeable. They were the first older team outside of Teri & Ian that I truly liked in TAR. Sure Bob got into an odd fight with my man Chip, but hey, who knows how much of that two second clip was set up by editing. It sucks how they went out.

1) Jim & Marsha

One of my favourite teams. Who wasn’t disappointed to see them go early? They nearly miss the first flight of the game because Jim tripped on the pier and had a nail go into his knee. A ton of blood. They were nice and polite to the other teams but remained competitive. Incidentally the only time they finished outside of last place (or next to last place) is a leg that did not involve planes. Sometimes the bad luck is not with the taxis but rather with airports.

They are also the first father-daughter team to be on the race.

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