Previously on TUF: Laimon bad mouthed Matt Serra’s mentor Royce Gracie. International trained with the other team which angered Matt Serra. Matt Serra wanted to fight International. Ah the return of the Matt Serra Show.
– Intro. I really really REALLY want Mr. International to defeat Matt Serra. That ego needs to crumble. Perhaps Shonie can be our star for the remaining three episodes.
– Time to recap the previous fight. ‘That missed…then that missed…then that missed…And another missed’. Lutter and DeWees are surprisingly narrating.
– Weigh-in time already. Mr. International steps to the scale in a blue ocean speedo. Serra weighs in at 170. Dana believes Matt has had nightmares since 2001 or whenever that fight took place.
– Serra and Cote both believe Marc Laimon is a wet rag. We are treated to a montage of him refusing to train, concerned about the staph infection, and sitting alone on the bench. Laimon is sitting yet again on a mat. Wasn’t Laimon worried about catching staph infection? A sweaty mat is the last place I would be.
– Matt Hughes taunts Serra and Laimon to roll around and spar on the mat. Serra is avoiding it and indirectly references Laimon’s laziness.
– We are treated to Hughes smashing away at Royce Gracie. Laimon loudly talks about Hughes’ beat down of Royce in Serra’s presence. Matt cusses out Marc Laimon. Serra essentially states that you cannot be an expert at something you do not participate in. Laimon defends well by saying Royce Gracie is an arrogant a–hole.
– Din Thomas applauds Serra for saying what he has been telling cameras directly to Laimon.
DIN: My respect for him jumped 100 notches.
I wonder how many notches are on that scale.
– Mr. International is spray painting his entire bunk bed blue. Everyone is suffocated out of the room. How hilarious. The others come up with the idea of The Phony Carter Show.
– Jorge Rivera dresses up as Phony Carter. A clown wig and red speedos. He knocks out “Mike Serra” wearing a gi and Charles McCarthy is Big John McCarthy.
Phony Carter knocked out Mike Serra with a spinning backfist. Phony proceeds to do a Val Venis-like celebration. There is also a mock weightlifting session for Phony where he lifts a five pound dumbbell over his head.
– International asks the guy he beat, Rich Clementi, to coach him in his corner. International’s messed up beard-moustache connection states that he has an advantage over Serra. He is bragging that there are variations of the spinning backfist that he is ready to deploy during the match.
– Matt Serra’s training session that I have no doubt will run much longer and be shown in a more spectacular fashion than International’s training session. Yep, rock music is played as Serra works ferociously with GSP. He says he is ten times the fighter he was compared to their first match-up.
– International comes out of the house with a red suit, tie, and red fedora. Serra cannot believe that it has been six years since they fought. International wants to eat ice cream. Him and Serra say rather romantically “You scream, I scream, we all scream. . .for ice cream.”
– International believes he will be underestimated regardless if he wins this season or not. He is in a blue speedo until he puts on a studded hat with a black barbershop-like cape.
– Promo time. Both are bragging to knock out the other out. International pretends his fist is a pink and yellow polka dot magnum.
MR. INTERNATIONAL CHICAGO, ILLINOIS 81-15-3
MATT SERRA EAST MEADOW, NEW YORK 13-4-0
I must confess that I will underestimate Mr. International and say he will get pummelled.
– Winner faces Chris Lights Out Lytle.
– Big John McCarthy is our referee.
– They high five. They circle for ten seconds. Serra launches a punch then shoots. He comes in to nearly get full mounts. International is moving on the ground while Serra climbs around like a monkey punching International. They stand up. Serra lands a couple punches. Kick is launched from Serra. A knee in the clinch. A couple more knees in the clinch. International hip tosses him to the ground then stands up immediately. Shonie is avoiding a ground game at all costs. Serra puts his hands up and skips away whenever Shonie sets up a combination. They clinch and Serra SCREAMS as he takes International down to the mat. Serra is one slick fellow. He hops around to get side control. Shoulder strikes. Serra gets full mount but International kicks him out into side mount. Shonie is trying hard to bounce him off. They move around until Serra has International’s back on the ground. International stands up and gets Serra off his back. Serra has International against the cage in a clinch. They are trading knees until they break. They meet back at the centre. Neither is throwing anything for twenty seconds. Big John is telling them to work. Both of them throw high head kicks simultaneously. Serra sneaks in a combination. International throws a karate kick and connects with a spinning backfist. Serra was rocked for a few seconds. Serra opts for a clinch. International tosses Serra to the ground. End of round one. International won round one. We think. I think so.
– They high five. Good fight so far. Striker vs. Grappler. Both circle around for twenty seconds.. No contact. Thirty seconds. International fires a kick right on cue. Serra tries to take him down but International scampers away and stands up. Good balance. They take turns throwing combinations. Big John tells International not to grab Serra’s enormous shorts. Both are hitting knees. Serra SCREAMS prior to taking International to the mat. Half mount for Serra. International is holding him close. Serra is breathing hard. Matt punches International’s face pretty good. International is defending well. He is making Serra work for position. International is very close to escaping. They are frozen for a few seconds until Serra pushes him back down. Such a contrast between Lytle and Din’s fight. These two are working HARD. Serra in half mount and awfully close to full mount. International keeps moving away to prevent full mount. Serra takes International’s back on the mat and has his legs wrapped in pretty good. International counters it and nearly throws Serra off. Serra comes in again to take International’s back but International escapes. 1:15 as they face off in the centre of the octagon. Dang. No contact. Spinning backfist time, I hope. Serra breaks the 30 seconds of silence by shooting in with some punches and earning a clinch. International breaks the clinch to land a solid punch on the noggin. International lands a knee while Serra charged. Serra goes for a flying kick that International pushes down. End of round two. Lots of banter around the cage. Everyone is impressed.
– Round three. One last high five. Serra circles around International. I guess Serra does not want to do Franklin’s One Knee strategy. Time is called for Big John to pull up Shonie’s briefs. They resume Serra’s circling. C’mon you guys were doing so well! Don’t go Kimbo vs. Houston Alexander on me now! They clinch. Grapple. High kicks by International. Clinch is broken. Both are picking their punches carefully. International comes in for a strike but Serra grabs his leg and is attempting a takedown. International defends it well as they dance in the clinch. Serra utters another scream and throws International to the ground. Serra is winning this 29-28. Crap. Half mount for Serra. Halfway point of the round. He lands elbows and fists on International’s head. He finally gets into full mount. Serra spins around to get International’s back. International works his way up to his feet and tries to grab Serra’s wrists. Serra suplexes International to the ground. Eventually he has International’s back straight out on the ground. Close to a rear naked choke. International is up on his feet and is in a clinch. International successfully disengages with Serra. One minute left. Serra kicks then shoots in at International’s leg. He annoys International by throwing strikes in the midst of the clinch. He screams again to telegraph a takedown but this time International is on top. International wraps an arm around Serra’s neck but Serra escapes easily. They continue to clinch. End of round. Both are drained.
– Fight recap. Serra is happy recounting the fight. International brags that Serra gets into clinches too long which lets him stay in the fight. Shonie is holding a goblet and cane in his confessional. Serra hates those mothaf—ing spinning backfists. Longest fight recap ever. Suspense time.
– Dana announces Serra won by unanimous decision.
– Promo time for Dana. Lytle faces Serra for the championship.
– International is upbeat. Serra asks International if they will go out for a drink.
INTERNATIONAL: A drink? A drink? (inaudible) (inaudible) P–sy.
– Next time on TUF: Mikey Burnett tries to run through a wall with a football in the house. Travis trains alone. Drago trains with Chuck Liddell. You don’t want to train with Liddell before one of the biggest fights in your career? Really?
1) Edwin DeWees vs. Gideon Ray (As Dexter said in the hotel room during season one: “So much blood. . .so much blood”. I have seen some blood baths in the UFC but that fight should be PVR’d by John McCain. Anybody who is advocating against the UFC needs to show this fight to those on the fence and they will agree to ban UFC once and for all. The fight makes history for being the first to go to sudden victory which means five fewer minutes of showing promotional crap leading up to the fight or redundant s— in the house. It helps that both fighters are even and seeing DeWees overcome bleeding out a quarter of his body was impressive.
2) Chris Lytle vs. Pete Spratt (The short and sweet fights need to be sprinkled in any season of TUF. Lytle picks up the first submission as he uses a rare armpit choke to gain the victory. How many armpit chokes can you claim to witnessing? Go ahead. I’ll be here waiting.
3) Din Thomas vs. Mikey Burnett (Mikey “Nothing Bothers Me-But What Bothers Me” Burnett’s return to the octagon. Seven years! It was neat to see old school fight competitively against new school. It turned out to be old school’s striking vs. new school’s ground game. Din was getting hit but Mikey was made a fool on the ground. Both wished to bring the game into their realm and Din succeeded. A slick triangle choke gives him the win and earns himself a decent slot in this fight ranking.)
4) Mr. International vs. Rich Clementi (Season premiere fights are typically a dud, or in the case of Kenny from TUF 2, they don’t happen at all. This one is the first to break the disappointment streak. These two were even and had some good exchanges during the fight. This battle neither excelled nor failed, and is a great way for viewers to orient themselves and look forward to seeing what the season has in store. Also, International nearly tops Leben’s urination and drunkenness for most outrageous season premiere. Nearly. Urine trumps cubic zirconia when it comes to TUF. Sorry Shonie, but I don’t make the rules.)
5) Mr. International vs. Matt Serra (A six year re-match in the making. International dominates the stand-up while Serra dominates the ground game. Both fighters were fighting for position in every second of that fight. The only points taken away from this fight is a rather lacklustre third round. That is a reality of fighting in the UFC when you go full throttle in the first two rounds. Although Matt Serra says I can’t have an opinion on that because I have never personally fought in the UFC.)
6) Patrick Cote vs. Jorge Rivera (Arguably two of the biggest names in the house square off. Cote’s upward kick was pretty neat. Neither fighter was imposing their will entirely on the other. Although Cote was the clear winner there were several times where Jorge was very much in the fight. Add in the fact that I liked both fighters prior to this fight and you have a match that delivers quite well. They were both very good on the ground.)
7) Scott Smith vs. Travis Lutter (It’s not a bad fight. A textbook rear naked choke in a little over a minute won’t go down as being too memorable. If this were season two I believe this fight would be near the top for pre-finale fights. However, this season has put up excellent match-ups that this fight had too much of an expectation for it to avoid the bottom. Good on Lutter for faking that punch. Great technique.)
8) Matt Serra vs. Pete Spratt (This fight was one-sided. Luckily it ended after four minutes because Spratt was not doing crap. It would be higher if Serra advanced position faster.)
9) Pete Sell vs. Charles McCarthy (These guys were not the most conditioned of fighters. They were moving progressively slower as the fight went on and were too willing to take it to the ground and stall. There were some close submissions. A sudden victory round is great but not too great when the fighters have nothing more than thirty seconds worth of fight in them. This is one of the best seasons for fights if this is the worst fight as of episode six. Gotta love McCarthy’s farewell that was essentially cut short for time. It reminds me of a Survivor contestant’s cut-off final words.)
10) Chris Lytle vs. Din Thomas (One of the least beat up I have seen two non-heavyweights exit a fight. They threw plenty of strikes but none of them appeared to have an impact and few connected. They were restarted three times during the fight. Nobody worked for position on the ground to be in either half mount, side control, or full mount. You could tell these were two friends in combat.
MR. INTERNATIONAL 8
CHRIS LYTLE 0
MATT SERRA 16
DIN THOMAS 1
PATRICK COTE 1
EDWIN DeWEES 1
PETE SELL 0
SCOTT SMITH 0
PETE SPRATT 0
MIKEY BURNETT 0
RICH CLEMENTI 4
CHARLES MCCARTHY 0
GIDEON RAY 0
JORGE RIVERA 2
TRAVIS LUTTER 2