Previously on TUF: Jeremy Jackson was an idiot and will be the only person to be kicked out of the House this season. The other fifteen endure a nasty ol’ staph infection. The voiceover says it made them “sick as dogs”. And Scott Smith is made a rear naked fool by Travis Lutter. Which of Team No Love’s two eliminated welterweights will replace Jeremy Jackson? And isn’t it ridiculous they’re brought back after only two welterweight fights have taken place? Next on. . .The Ultimate Fighter!
– Ba-ba-babababa-ba-ba. Cue Limp Bizkit intro. Please note I’ve seen the intro approximately thirty-one times and I only understand around 45% of the lyrics.
– Should Couture, GSP, and that other no name trainer even be mentioned in the intro? They haven’t given more than three confessionals in four episodes.
– We recap the episode and how Scott played terrible from start to finish. Dana and the coaches thought Mojo was stupid for having Scott fight Travis. It was the one fight he shouldn’t do.
– International thinks Scott was thrown to the wolves and thinks Matt did it to get further in the game. However that can’t be true because Serra isn’t in his weight class. Matt was simply stupid for the match-up.
– Dana says Team No Love will get to pick who fights out of Matt Serra or Din Thomas next. You don’t say?
– Zoom in on Jeremy’s empty locker. Spratt remains silent as Rich gets his third confessional of the episode. He thinks he would do well against Matt Serra as opposed to Pete. Did he consider Pete would match up well with Din?
– Matt wants to fight Rich because Rich is the cockiest one in the house. Didn’t Rich lose?
MATT: A wise man once said. . .F— him!
Finally something quotable from Serra!
– International is in his blue briefs at night and tosses sixty empty water bottles into the pool. Charles and Jorge think International is selfish, a punk, and annoying to live with. Jorge even goes so far as to say he’s a big fake. International said from the start that he wanted to make a giant floatie.
– International hates being told it’s a community pool because nobody ever uses the dang pool.
– Couture tells No Love the have 24 hours to figure out who will come back. They flip a coin in the gym. Rich loses the coin toss! I continue to be wrong with my assessment of the story being edited.
– Spratt says he might give up his fight to Rich. He doesn’t want to be fighting someone who will beat him when he knows Rich is more well-rounded to face Serra. Is he quitting or being honourable and honest? Who knows.
– International says he has sleep deprivation disorder. He plays solitaire at 2:30am. He plays billiards at 3:15am. People shout at him to ‘shut up’. Mikey comes down to say fifteen other people are trying to sleep. Clearly he forgot Jeremy isn’t apart of the house. International has thrown all of the water bottles into the pool. Again.
– Everyone agrees he is doing it on purpose. Well, primarily the blue team. Din thinks they’re just picking on him after losing frequently.
– DIN: Did you put the water bottles in the water?
INTERNATIONAL: Just cuuuuuuuz.
INTERNATIONAL: I’m trying to fly incognegro under the radar and they just tryin to. . .
– Jorge confronts International and squeezes in “you know what I’m sayin” approximately four times in ten seconds.
– Fighter Replacement Meeting. No Love reveals the answer by Spratt stepping forward. Everyone is shocked that he didn’t let Rich fight. Last time I checked it’s not Spratt’s job to take a bullet in a once-in-a-lifetime setting and let a competitor to take his place because he’s ‘more entertaining’.
– International collects all sixty water bottles and puts it in a black garbage bag. He takes it into the water and he successfully floats on it. He was excited.
INTERNATIONAL: I have defied the mystical stereotype that black folks can’t swim. I can swim!
– Serra and Din are in the gym. Matt thinks he’ll be picked. That means he won’t be picked. Din whines about being tired. Perhaps Din will be eliminated?
– Fight meeting.
DIN: Matt Serra, you will be fighting. . .next week. Din Thomas will fight against the guy making his long awaited return Mikey Burnett. Nothing bothers him.
– I FINALLY MADE A CORRECT PREDICTION! I’M CATCHING ON TO THE EDITING!
– Jorge admits they picked Din to fight because he is in his weakest moment possible. Mikey looks equally beat up since the start of the season with his cut nose, bruisd face, and swollen eyes.
– Dana says Din is a tough veteran and believes he will win out of the welterweights. Din says he’s different from the others because he isn’t like the other fighters who have brains or just athelticism. He has everything. His record is 2-2.
In UFC 32 he fought BJ Penn. His record at the time was 14-1. It was believed whoever won would fight Jens Pulver. We’re shown highlights of Din taking BJ down but BJ’s flexibility is ridiculous. Penn lands a harsh knee knockout and ends it with a flurry.
In UFC 33 he won a decision over mediocre fighter Fabiano Iha.
In UFC 39 he fought Caol Uno. Uno won by decision in a fight that didn’t have many highlights.
In UFC 41 he fought Matt Serra (yep, he’s everywhere). They had a lot of exchanges. Din defended Matt’s takedown attempts. Round three is the first time Serra takes Din down but it was too late and everyone thought Din won. Serra was declared the winner but ten minutes later the officials realized they miscalculated the scores (10 + 9 + 9 = 30? Guess that’s right) and Din received the money.
– Dana talks about Mikey Burnett. Burnett was apart of the Lion’s Den. They show the early UFC format where they fought three times in one night. Mikey’s first appearance was UFC 16 against Eugenio Tadeo. Holy geez this brings me back. Burnett beats up Eugenio after ten minutes of trading punches. Heh, I remember Eugenio’s head bouncing back and forth like he had shell shock.
In UFC 18 he fought Townsend Saunders. I remember Townsend Saunders well. An Olympic-grade wrestler. Mikey absolutely avoided going on his back. Townsend didn’t possess any striking ability. Mikey won by decision which means he fought for 15-20 minutes straight. No breaks.
– Mikey reiterates the fights with divorce, alcoholism, and being a new father. Today he’ll fight six year ring rust.
– Weigh-ins are shown for the second time this season. Both of them weigh in successfully. Sun sets and rises. It’s Fight Day. Din says Mikey will be tough to beat because he looked up to him growing up.
– Prediction: Din wins but Mikey will be given a positive farewell and will have a televised fight at the finale.
MIKEY BURNETT TULSA, OKLAHOMA 11-2-0
DIN THOMAS PT. ST. LUCIE, FLORIDA 20-6-0
Thomas wins this fight within two minutes. I don’t think Burnett’s conditioning can match up to the more recent fighters. Can’t teach a dog new tricks after seven years of hiatus.
– Herb Dean our referee.
– They circle for twenty-eight seconds. Burnett has thrown one leg kick. Only contact thus far. Lots of feinting. Burnett takes Din to the ground. Full guard. Din is yanking Mikey’s wrist and is wrapping his legs high around Mikey’s body. I think this will end quickly. Din nearly had the armbar but Mikey stands up. Mikey can’t do the ground game so now he has no choice but to hope Din remains standing. Burnett fires a leg kick. Din counters with a weak combination. Din takes Mikey into his guard. He is very close to a triangle. Mikey has no idea how to defend it. A couple seconds later and Burnett taps out. Yay I’m 2/2 this episode.
MIKEY: Was that a triangle choke?
DIN: Yeah, a triangle choke.
Back in Burnett’s days, they didn’t have to learn no fancy schmancyschmancy terms.
– Din says the triangle choke is one of his patented moves. Spidey sense tells me that patent is pending. Din thinks he can win the whole thing.
– Mikey sits in the loser’s chair. His first taste of the loser’s chair in his UFC career. Mikey doesn’t know whether or not he will retire. Dana gives him a fist bump. Good on Dana for being a fan of Mikey.
Next time on TUF: Charles gets a new nickname. Jorge has a baby girl and gets to see it on an amp’d mobile phone. Rich Franklin joins the training staff. Sounds like an awfully boring episode six to me.
We have to wait two more episodes before Matt Serra fights Pete Spratt. How many more confessionals can Serra get? My god.
– It seems if you’re not in the weight class that’s fighting in an episode it is near impossible to get a confessional. Every middleweight except McCarthy and Rivera were ignored this round.
1) Edwin DeWees vs. Gideon Ray (As Dexter said in the hotel room during season one: “So much blood. . .so much blood”. I have seen some blood baths in the UFC but that fight should be PVR’d by John McCain. Anybody who is advocating against the UFC needs to show this fight to those on the fence and they will agree to ban UFC once and for all. The fight makes history for being the first to go to sudden victory which means five fewer minutes of showing promotional crap leading up to the fight or redundant s— in the house. It helps that both fighters are even and seeing DeWees overcome bleeding out a quarter of his body was impressive.
2) Chris Lytle vs. Pete Spratt (The short and sweet fights need to be sprinkled in any season of TUF. Lytle picks up the first submission as he uses a rare armpit choke to gain the victory. How many armpit chokes can you claim to witnessing? Go ahead. I’ll be here waiting.
3) Din Thomas vs. Mikey Burnett (Mikey “Nothing Bothers Me-But What Bothers Me” Burnett’s return to the octagon. Seven years! It was neat to see old school fight competitively against new school. It turned out to be old school’s striking vs. new school’s ground game. Din was getting hit but Mikey was made a fool on the ground. Both wished to bring the game into their realm and Din succeeded. A slick triangle choke gives him the win and earns himself a decent slot in this fight ranking.)
4) Mr. International vs. Rich Clementi (Season premiere fights are typically a dud, or in the case of Kenny from TUF 2, they don’t happen at all. This one is the first to break the disappointment streak. These two were even and had some good exchanges during the fight. This battle neither excelled nor failed, and is a great way for viewers to orient themselves and look forward to seeing what the season has in store. Also, International nearly tops Leben’s urination and drunkenness for most outrageous season premiere. Nearly. Urine trumps cubic zirconia when it comes to TUF. Sorry Shonie, but I don’t make the rules.)
5) Scott Smith vs. Travis Lutter (It’s not a bad fight. A textbook rear naked choke in a little over a minute won’t go down as being too memorable. If this were season two I believe this fight would be near the top for pre-finale fights. However, this season has put up excellent match-ups that this fight had too much of an expectation for it to avoid the bottom. Good on Lutter for faking that punch. Great technique.)
MR. INTERNATIONAL 6
CHRIS LYTLE 1
MATT SERRA 10
DIN THOMAS 12
PATRICK COTE 0
EDWIN DeWEES 0
PETE SELL 0
SCOTT SMITH 0
PETE SPRATT 3
MIKEY BURNETT 11
RICH CLEMENTI 8
CHARLES MCCARTHY 2
GIDEON RAY 0
JORGE RIVERA 4
TRAVIS LUTTER 0