Previously on TAR: Steve & Josh caused controversy by letting Steve & Dave get ahead. But we won’t acknowledge Monica & Sheree are fine with them because Josh made it up to them. Tian and Jaree fought in the path to eleventh. Debra and Steve are eliminated and will not be acknowledged ever again in TAR history (except for me. All hail Debra & Steve! A team that has an anger level that is milder than the Flanders’ family! And no, that’s not a reference to the team that gets cut in TAR 8.)
– Will the alliance between the top three teams stay intact? And will Tian & Jaree stay alive? The adventure continues at 11:52pm.
– Off to the Trampolino Olimpico where they shall snow raft.
– CHUCK: If being virgins for twelve years don’t show our will and determination I don’t know what will.
Let’s get one thing straight, dear Chuck. There is no will and determination in being a virgin. People who are virgins are typically turned off by the idea of sex, they’re too afraid to engage in such an act, or they’re socially worthless that nobody wants to have sex with them. In other words, nobody buys your explanation. Sorry.
– Millie & Chuck agree to an alliance. Seeing as how Team Dagger was successful in TUF maybe another pointless alliance will work out.
– Millie and Chuck get to the bottom (well of the hill. Certainly not of each other). They’re waiting for the other two teams to head to Venice.
– Amanda does the strangest squirrely squeak when she finds out she’s going to Venice. Go replay the audio. It’s some of the funkiest TAR audio you’ll ever hear.
– MONICA: Sheree and I are best friends. Although we have the luxury of being married to professional athletes we’d like to prove to the world that we are very strong women.
For the second episode in a row the NFL Wives’ opening confessional directly relates to having luxuries through marrying pro athletes.
– Ever wondered how much TAR can take its toll on you after one leg?
Not only does his partner have a messed up knee, but Steve has a black eye after his body had an allergic reaction to all of the sweat that he emitted in the previous leg. His body is as shocked as he is that he broke a sweat.
– Steve & Dave plan to steal the cab from the next team that arrives at the bottom of the hill. Unfortunately that might be a problem if teams can’t follow directions:
Kelly & Jon foil the BFG’s plans when they decide to get dropped off the top and slide down the hill on their butt as opposed to using a raft.
DAVE: Who is that? I want to see who these two idiots are. It’s Kelly and her boyfriend. I didn’t think they were that stupid.
DAVE: What a bunch of idiots. I can’t believe they’d really yawn like that.
– Monica & Sheree tell Reichen & DK that the leading four teams are plotting to get them out. After Steve & Josh’s incident to not honour the lines at the airport in the previous leg, this sets off Reichen DK. They’re going to hold onto the door of the metro office until it opens. They proceed to physically intimidate Steve. Well, not the Steve from Debra & Steve. And not Steve from Steve & Dave. But rather Steve from Steve & Josh.
– Oh. Al announces a bus is waiting outside that is leaving in three minutes. All of the teams who are there (which is everyone except Team Feminism and Kelly & Jon) pile onto the bus while Reichen and Chip have to undo the superglue they used to attach their hands to the door and follow them. It’s one of those minor hilarious ironic moments in TAR that gets lost through the ages. It’s one I always seem to remember for some reason.
– The two teams wonder where everyone is while the camera cuts to the victory music for the other nine teams.
– Detour time. Waterway or pathway. In other words, use a provided map to travel by gondola or walk through the narrow streets and ask people to get to the next route marker.
– Four teams are ahead of the Virgins on the gondola. They decide to commit Poor TAR Strategy 101 and break away from the leading pack because they were too frazzled by the traffic. Such a foolish decision.
Or maybe not. Hey, did anyone notice that there isn’t “Dating 12 years/Virgins” under their names for once?
– Tian and Jaree fight on the train. Kelly pulls out her best “Mr. Thompson” voice to indicate the feminists are fighting.
– Kelly and Jon get lost. Kelly makes fun of his New York attitude after they got lost. She waves her hands in the air.
Is that Dance Like an Egyptian or Dance Like A New Yorker? You be the judge.
– Equalizer. An obvious pre-planned equalizer too. Why? Because it opens at 5:00pm. When teams leave at midnight and get to the new city in the morning there should be no reason why the next task has to wait until 5:00pm to open. Producers are angling for suspense heading into the final task of the leg. They want a foot race?
– Who doesn’t like a foot race?
But first. . .
Another turtleneck sighting!
– So who doesn’t like a foot race?
– JON: We had six hours to kill before the place opened. . .
This is how Jon kills time? Some read a book. Some surf the Net. Others balance a bike in their mouth. I love how this is a two second shot that is meant to be casual.
-Steve and Dave win the leg. The other ten teams scramble to grab a clue for a dreary rainy roadblock. Enter a masquerade to match a photo of a mask with the person who is wearing the mask in the masquerade ball. Only four can participate at a time. Therefore, people like Steve & Josh and Jon & Al screw up by wasting time in town and end up at the back of the line.
– Russell, Josh, Monica, and DK are the first four inside. We get into Big Brother challenge mode where the camera cuts to each person participating in the challenge and summarizes every detail about what they are doing in the roadblock. TAR viewers aren’t idiots like BB viewers, dear producers.
– Josh fails. DK succeeds. Run to the pit stop. Russell succeeds. Monica walks around. Jaree succeeds. Jeff succeeds. NY Jon succeeds. Chris fails. Josh succeeds.
– Reichen & DK crack into second thanks to the almighty equalizer.
– Jon’s excellent sense of direction helps him and Kelly leapfrog ahead five slots and pull out a third place finish. They were absolutely saved by the equalizer considering they were dead last only three hours earlier.
KELLY: The race really helps us communicate better because we realize we have to work as a team there’s no ‘I’m right, you’re wrong’ — (confessional cuts)
Sorry editors. Had to point out how unnatural that cut was.
– Tian & Jaree, David & Jeff, Jon & Al finish.
– Chris fails for a second time. Millie succeeds. Russell & Cindy finish after not having a single confessional together yet again. Millie & Chuck finish. Millie is having a hard time catching her breath. Oh. Bahahahaahahahahaha.
– Steve & Josh are ninth. Monica succeeds. Chris is stuck at the roadblock. He succeeds finally.
– A minute of suspense now. NFL wives or Amanda ernd Chris?
– NFL wives and their clichés are tenth and stay alive to annoy us all!
– The couple that finished in first are now dead last. They can’t be too sad considering who sends them on their way out:
Turn that frown upside down, dear children!
12th Debra & Steve 12.0
12th Gina & Sylvia 12.0
11th Deidre & Hilary 11.0
11th Matt & Ana 11.0
9th Peggy & Claire 9.0
10th Dennis & Andrew 9.0 FF
10th Kim & Leslie 8.0
8th Dave & Margaretta 7.0
10th Hope & Norm 7.0
6th Lenny & Karyn 6.43
7th Paul & Amie 6.2
11th Amanda & Chris 6.0
6th Andre & Damon 5.86
8th Michael & Kathy 5.8
7th Cyndi & Russell 5.8
9th Heather & Eve 5.75
5th Nancy & Emily 5.67
7th Silver & Gold 5.17
9th Pat & Brenda 5.0 – FF
5th John Vito & Jill 4.8 – FF
2nd Teri & Ian 4.53 – FF
8th Shola & Doyin 4.25 – FF
6th Mary & Peach 4.14 (Two failed FF attempts.)
4th Oswald & Danny 4.00 – FF
5th Gary & Dave 3.89 – FF
3rd Blake & Paige 3.69 – FF
1st Chris & Alex 3.38 – FF
4th Kevin & Drew 3.36 – FF
4th Derek & Drew 3.10 – FF
3rd Joe & Bill 2.76 – FF
2nd Tara & Wil 2.53 – FF
1st Flo & Zach 2.69 – FF
3rd Ken & Gerard 2.69 – FF
1st Rob & Brennan – 2.46 FF
2nd Frank & Margarita 2.38 – FF