The Ultimate Fighter (Season 3) Ranking Episode 2

Episode two
Rory Singer 3
Kendall Grove 1
Danny 1
Light Heavyweights
Matt Hammill 2
Michael Bisping 7
Noah Inhofer 12
Josh Haynes 2
Ed Herman 1
Solomon Hutcherson 1
Kalib Starnes 4
Ross Pointon 2
Light Heavyweights
Jesse Forbes 10
Mike Nickels 0
Tait Fletcher 6
Kristian 0

– Previously on TUF: Matt Hammill was Tito’s first pick. Ken’s team won the first match without mentioning Kalib. What will happen next? Kalib probably doesn’t make it past semi-finals based on this fact. Limp Bizkit-inspired intro plays. A million Dana White confessionals are inevitable.

– Ken’s team has named themselves Green Power.

ROSS: If you’re the one who clogged the toilet, then why should someone else have to clean your s—?

Literally, Ross. Apparently Bisping clogged the toilet and didn’t clean it.

– Tito teaches Noah a really good technique to keep his hands up. Carry a basketball against your face when you go home to the house. When you remove the basketball, your hands will be where they are needed.

– Ken announces Jesse Forbes against Noah Inhofar. I think Jesse is out because he is one of the few who hasn’t said a word. I don’t recall a word

– Hammill is featured for the fourth time in two episodes. Bisping comments that he thinks it will be him against Hammill in the finals. Perhaps the Luke Commo of this season?

– Jesse threw poker chips at a ceiling fan. Watch Jesse put a glass vase on a pool table and hit it with his ball to break the vase. He as well as everyone admits that Jesse likes to break s—. He’s being treated as an absolute joke.

– Noah and Tait get into a fight about where Noah’s basketball is. Tait construes it as Noah being really dumb. Huh? Noah was just pissed that someone from the other team took his basketball and kicked it around. Would you do that with someone else’s mouth guard? Of course not. You don’t hide others’ training tools.

– Shamrock tells Green Power to take today and tomorrow off to rest. So much for his Lion’s Den training mentality. Jesse believes Shamrock is an understanding coach.

– Meanwhile Tito’s team trains hard and works towards the match.

– Tait comes up with the idea for Jesse to stab the basketball and put a band-aid over it. Jesse goes along with it because he likes anything that involves breaking s—. They hide it in his bed to mimic The Godfather. Wow, how effin bored are they? Maybe they need challenges after all.

– Hammill gets another two-minute feature. Tito brings an interpreter and everyone comments how utterly amazing the interpreter is. I don’t know if Hammill makes it to the end or if he’s getting a Nate Quarry edit, but producers certainly want us to pay attention to him.

– Ken yells at his team to work harder after they came back from their break. Him and Kalib get into a very cyclical argument about how Kalib isn’t contributing because he’s in the semi-finals but defends that he doesn’t want to blow out his legs. Rinse and repeat ten times. No one takes Shamrock seriously.

– Noah waits until less than 24 hours left to train once again. Tito arranged for him to train with twelve hours left. Guess what? He hurts his ankle during this training session! Luckily nothing is exceptionally wrong now he has to pout on an Oscar performance to not let Jesse that he has a weak ankle.

– Jesse and Noah talk about how important this fight is for them.

Noah (Ortiz) vs. Jesse (Shamrock)

Jesse is going to win, I predict.

– Herb Dean is our refereee.

– Jesse and Noah try to work for underhooks in the first thirty seconds. Jesse succeeds in a takedown and gets side mount. Noah pulls guard. Tito has yelled for an underhook of the left arm for since the bell rang. Jesse stands up while Noah sits on the ground. Jesse grabs a leg and uses it to strike the face. He is in Noah’s guard again. Noah wraps his legs around an arm and pulls for an armbar. After five seconds Jesse taps. Another fight that ends in less than two minutes.

– We see a review of the fight already. Even Shamrock is impressed by how deep the armbar is. Although he says Jesse would have won nine out of ten.

– Shamrock talks about how Tito has the hammer (control of the next match-up). I didn’t know Shamrock knew Curling terminology. Impressive.

Worst to best fights:

2) Mike Stine vs. Kalib Starnes (Stine was an ugly fighter all around. After fifteen seconds you knew Kalib would win in the first round; it was only a question of how he would do it. Not a bad fight to start the season. In fact, this is the only fight to occur in the opening episode thanks to last season’s double quit opener and season one having its first two eliminations be from a coach’s elimination.)

1) Noah Inhofer vs. Jesse Forbes (Tito really wanted Noah to underhook that left arm apparently. Jesse has control for the first ninety seconds and it looks like Noah was a bad fighter regardless of the sprained ankle. However, Noah listens to Tito’s advice and uses the sprained ankle to his advantage as he uses his upper body strength to pull off an armbar after doing nothing prior to that. I wonder how much of the success can be attributed to the basketball?)

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