I decided to do a format change with how I present the rankings for TUF and TAR. Considering I am in university for 2 1/2 months, my ability to post a full season in one post means you would be waiting several weeks between posts. Thus, I decided to do a season-by-season ranking, but I would list my synopsis on an episode by episode basis.
TUF 3 episode 1
The Ultimate Fighter 3
– We’re shown highlights from the first two seasons and that the UFC is taking off.
– We’re told Americans, British, and Canadians will be in the house together for the first time.
MIKE S 9
MICHAEL B 7
MIKE N 3
MATT HAMMILL 3
– Dana wanted Tito and Ken as coaches because they hate each other and want them to fight each other at the end of the season. In other words, two coaches like Franklin and Hughes who respect each other and won’t even fight each other at the end of the season.
We are shown extensive highlights from Ortiz doing his infamous double flip-off and Ken wanting to stomp him out. Note Shamrock has a poster that hangs in the training centre that says “I see dead people”. Dana says it’s about the kids and not about their egos. Although Dana is certainly hyping the season that way.
– Ed, Kendall, and Hammill get to be the first three to enter with full introductions in a confessional. I think Ed Herman will be first out.
– Kristian has a rather strange belt to accompany his strange last name.
– Bisping and Ross emphasize their accents in their confessionals to show off that they’re Brits, and therefore different from everyone else which will be a BS storyline.
– For the fourth time in the first fifteen minutes of the episode, Dana warns Ken and Tito to not fight each other. They’re pumping up their first meeting.
– Ken and Tito have a UFC-like staredown when they meet. They still hate each other. Theystillhateeachother. Theystillhateeachother.
– The fighters enter. I have a feeling Bisping and Hammill make it into the end. But I’ve been wrong before by judging the big names.
– DANA: Middleweights — get the f— out of here.
The most out of place F word ever uttered. It wasn’t meant to be nasty in the least.
– Ken thinks Kristian is a dark horse but has questionable conditioning.
– Kristian says he’s not as young as the others and complained. He is officially first out.
– Ken puts the light heavyweights through a copy of the World’s Strongest Man atlas stones. Where’s Magnus Ver Magnusson?
– Tito trains with the middleweights. Ed Herman has excellent wrestling. He says Ross stein or whatever his name is in shape but terrible wrestler. There is also a montage of takedowns.
– The opening night at the house. It seems liquor has been restored to the house for this season to add drama. Kendall drank a whole bunch and spat on the floor. Bisping used the word tomfoolery and Ross mentions drinking as English hospitality.
KENDALL: If I puke, you guys puke.
MIKE N: He was probably angry because I cut a part of his eyelid when I tried to shave off his eyebrow.
Yep, Nickels tried to shave Kendall’s eyebrow when he passed out drunk.
– Next day. Ken says he’s looking for heart for the second day of training. Wonder what he will look for on the third day?
– Oooo Eiffel Tower. Oh wait. It’s Vegas. That tower is a phony.
– Second day with Ortiz. He has the light heavyweights. He’s looking for a star.
– Did Ortiz just grab Hammill’s butt for no reason?
– Tito says Kristian is like one of his chick friends and wants to teach him a lesson. I have a feeling it’s not the first chick friend that Tito has taught a lesson. Kristian is really shortcutting the exercises but insists he’s a warrior.
– We are privy to how unusual British accents are. Making fun of accents never gets old.
– Time to pick teams now.
TITO: Matt Hamill
TITO: Rory Singer
TITO: Kendall Grove
TITO: Mike Stein
KEN: Ed Herman
TITO: Josh Haynes
KEN: Ross Pointon
KEN: Tait Fletcher
Both coaches have a pep talk and say they’re a team they’re a unit blah blah blah Ed Herman didn’t have his carrots blah blah blah
– Resume from commercial and Herman is still whining about being a late pick. I want him to go home ASAP.
– Ortiz says his camp is called Team Punishment because we punish ourselves. Also, they punish their wives. Three sessions per day for six days a week.
– Shamrock says he won’t be able to teach jiu jitsu too well. That explains why his only win over the past few years is against Kimo.
KEN: The trick is to watch from outside the picture; don’t be inside the picture.
. . . How poetic.
– Shamrock’s right hand man is a nutritionalist who body builds. He wants everyone to eat steak and chicken.
– FORMAT CHANGE! No longer will fighters make it to the semi-finals without a fight. No challenges this season. The coin will determine which team gets initial picks for the fight. The winning team of the fight retains control of who fights who. Shamrock wins the coin toss. Everyone fights once and must win to get to the semi-finals.
– Shamrock’s strategy is to use the strongest to beat the weakest on the team. Fights revert to two 5-minute rounds.
– Kalib will fight Mike Stynes. Wow, we’re getting a fight in the first episode? Incredible.
– Kalib is from Vancouver. He’s been undefeated since 1996.
– Ortiz admits to crying in movies to help calm down Mike Stynes’ nervousness about the fight. Awwwwwwwe.
– Bulls— pre-amble.
MIKE STINE HICKSVILLE, NY 3-0
KALIB STARNES SURREY, BC (I’ve been there several times!) 8-0
MIKE STINE (ORTIZ) VS. KALIB STARNES (SHAMROCK)
– Big John is our referee.
– Stine pulls him down ten seconds into the match. Butterfly guard. Kalib picks him up and they clinch against the cage. Kalib picks him up and this time completes the slam. Kalib has full mount. Stine has the worst technique since the fight started. Stine rolls on top but Kalib counters it with another roll to mount and get Stine’s back. Kalib throws three hard punches as Stine is flat on his back and Big John calls the fight after seeing how lopsided it is. That fight lasted around ninety seconds.
Worst to Best Fights:
1) Mike Stine vs. Kalib Starnes (It’s number one!!! For now. Stine was an ugly fighter all around. After fifteen seconds you knew Kalib would win in the first round; it was only a question of how he would do it. Not a bad fight to start the season. In fact, this is the only fight to occur in the opening episode thanks to last season’s double quit opener and season one having its first two eliminations be from a coach’s elimination.)