Rory Singer 1
Kendall Grove 0
Matt Hammill 0
Michael Bisping 15
Noah Inhofer 0
Josh Haynes 0
Ed Herman 2
Solomon Hutcherson 2
Kalib Starnes 1
Mike Nickels 3
Tait Fletcher 4
– Bisping finds a challenger in Hammill. Tito’s team works hard while Shamrock golfs. Yeah, that’s all they talk about in the intro. I s’pose the fight may go past round one for once.
– We review Grove’s excellence. Shamrock brings the team together and says Tito’s team won’t win another fight. I don’t know about that.
– An obvious voiceover is inserted for Ortiz to foreshadow their team’s potential success.
– Herman has alcohol in his hand for the fourth episode in a row.
– Bisping called Nickels a knob-head for mocking his laugh. Heh heh. A knob-head. Reminds me of my British acquaintance from high school.
– Tait and Kristian complain how unmotivated their training is. Tait admits to training based on his own free will without being instructed.
– Bisping yells at Hammill for sparring too hard. Everyone else agrees. Hammill and Forest Griffin would be good as partners.
– Bisping slams down some drinks and says ‘f— Ortiz’ and ‘f— Shamrock’. You do know what TUF is all about, right? You’ve seen the show? Or does the show not transmit across the pond?
– Solomon and Bisping are smoking cigars? How do they maintain their cardio?
– Are those tattoed testicles on Nickels’ chin? I just noticed them. He talks about how him and Bisping would be a good match-up.
– Fight announcement in the gym. Ortiz picks Bisping and Kristian to fight. I’m going to take a wild guess that Kristian will be wiped out in less than ten minutes.
– Bisping tells us he’s a banger while Kristian is a jiu jitsu fighter. We’re also told it’s Bisping’s first American opponent. I have a feeling this will have a zero percent influence on the fight.
– Shamrock cancels another training session. They train in the backyard. Trees are their opponents. Kick box with some shrubs. Kristian wanted more conditioning (yes, the guy who couldn’t keep up with the opening week exercises whatsoever).
– Kristian tries to pull out some poetry in the car. Oh, bio time. Kristian talks about how his dad died in Hurricane Katrina and that he lost his clothes. I s’pose it was temporary considering he didn’t enter the house naked. Ugh, he went from a sad story to beat boxing in a car. I don’t know which is worse. At least he’ll be eliminated this week. Now let’s watch Kristian sit on a rock and smoke a cigar. I wonder how many fighters picked up a cigar habit in the house strictly from their pure boredom? I wonder.
– Ken calls a meeting. He asks if anyone has a problem. Everyone says no. I have a feeling the producers told Ken indirectly about the complaints in the confessionals.
– Ken tells Kristian to fight standing up. You’re telling a jiu jitsu guy to fight a well-conditioned striker? This should backfire big time.
– Bisping weighs in his boxers. . .and sunglasses? You’re not Bret Hart or Akon you Brit. Stop this utter Tomfoolery at once!
– We are treated to a lovely sight of Herman shoving a syringe into Bisping’s ear and draw a full syringe of blood. The blood is then poured into an empty water bottle. How are they not explaining why they’re doing this?! Is there a tradition before fight day that I’m missing? Is it a warrior thing?
Bisping (Ortiz) vs. Rothaermel (Shamrock)
MICHAEL BISPING, CYPRUS 10-0
KRISTIAN ROTHAERMEL NEW ORLEANS, LOUISIANA 40-3
Big John is our ref. I predict a Bisping victory in three minutes.
– Bisping kicks. He falls but gets back up. Kristian throws a kcik of his own that drops Bisping but it doesn’t materialize into anything. They run around and get into a grapple where Kristian succeeds in a takedown. Little work is done before Bisping gets up. Kristian is bleeding bad but it stops quickly. Bisping gets in a few punches. Kristian is bleeding from the top of his head. The back of his head is shaved in the shape of a star. Kristian takes Bisping down into his full guard. Bisping’s elbows from the bottom are doing damage according to Ortiz. I think Kristian head butted Bisping’s gut. Kristian isn’t advancing position. He’s resting. Big John wants a timeout to check Kristian’s nasty cut on his skull. Three minutes in.
– Kristian punches but slips. He looks really out of it. Bisping tries to go for punches but Kristian falls intentionally. Bisping clinches Kristian’s head and lands a punch that drops Kristian on his back. However, Kristian is fine except for the pool of blood on his nose. Big John calls Kristian to his feet. Bisping tosses a leg kick. So does Kristian but it was weak. Bisping then lands a punch square on Kristian’s chin and falls instantly. Big John intervenes instantly. Less than four minutes and the match is over.
– Bisping celebrates by jumping onto the cage and copying Ortiz’s top-of-the-cage celebration.
– Bisping wins by knockout. Dana is now down twenty grand thanks to four consecutive round one knockouts.
– Kristian has two nasty gashes. One in the middle of his head and one long cut above his eye. He is being taken to the hospital to get stitches.
4) Mike Stine vs. Kalib Starnes (Stine was an ugly fighter all around. After fifteen seconds you knew Kalib would win in the first round; it was only a question of how he would do it. Not a bad fight to start the season. In fact, this is the only fight to occur in the opening episode thanks to last season’s double quit opener and season one having its first two eliminations be from a coach’s elimination.)
3) Kendall Grove vs. Ross Pointon (It started off punches vs. leg kicks. Quickly it became grappler vs. striker. Then it became Willpower vs. stamina and Ross loses this aspect by a landslide. A standing rear naked choke without hooks inserted is the most unique submission I have seen in the 1, 100+ MMA matches that I’ve watched.)
2) Michael Bisping vs. Kristian Rothaermel (Everyone knew Bisping would win from the onset but we all wondered how long it would take. Kristian puts up a good fight. It was neat to see some blood being drawn for once and someone appearing as if they had been truly knocked out. Ortiz’ team is at the peak of their cockiness now that they won three in a row at this time. That skull cut was nasty.
1) Noah Inhofer vs. Jesse Forbes (Tito really wanted Noah to underhook that left arm apparently. Jesse has control for the first ninety seconds and it looks like Noah was a bad fighter regardless of the sprained ankle. However, Noah listens to Tito’s advice and uses the sprained ankle to his advantage as he uses his upper body strength to pull off an armbar after doing nothing prior to that. I wonder how much of the success can be attributed to the basketball?)