The Ultimate Fighter Rankings (season 1)

The Ultimate Fighter (Season 1)

This is about as close to an ‘about me’ that I will ever do in this blog.

Hi, I’m Logan. I hate nearly all professional sports unless it’s a Ken Griffey video game. I hate the subjective nature of sports, how athletes are grossly overpaid, and that umpires or referees rarely enforce half the rules in the rule book. Add in fighting in hockey, how 20% of balls and strikes are called incorrectly in baseball, and that NBA players can violate travel at their own will but yet I would be penalized anytime I did it in high school basketball.

About four years ago, my cousin raved about MMA. She was a big fan. Her mom was a fan, too. My brothers became fans a couple years ago and I assumed they did it to fit in with their ‘buddies’. For those of you who don’t know, the term ‘buddy’ refers to a male friend. I don’t know how that happened. I’m determined to refer to any of my friends as ‘buddy’ when I talk to others in hopes of slowly breaking this mildly sexist term.

Anyway, I was shown the Griffin vs. Bonnar fight and thought nothing of it. However, my brother and his friend became addicted to MMA and would talk about it non-stop. They taught me about how it is truly the realest sport out there mixed with a business model reminiscent of the WWE. I’ve always been a fan of studying what’s behind-the-scenes in professional wrestling because watching a fake performance is pointless but seeing the backroom deals is intriguing. However, MMA doesn’t fake its performances but has a very business like aspect to it. I don’t buy that it’s a sport unless you use a tournament format to determine champions. In fact, I’d argue MMA was more of a sport when it first started despite Joe Rogan and Dana White saying they were barbarians back then but it’s professional now. This couldn’t be further from the truth.

If you have been following my blog before, you know there are few shows that I watch but if I do watch them it would be on a religious basis and I’d start with episode one. With MMA I could never get into it because it went against my television beliefs of jumping into a series when it has been around for twelve years.

Since May, which is oddly enough the same time I started writing my Survivor rankings project, I borrow all of the official DVDs that my brother’s friend Vince has. He is lucky to have enough money to blow a few hundred bucks on these MMA DVDs. What I thought would be me catching up at a slow rate has turned into me watching 880+ MMA matches in 6 ½ months. If a fight took place between 1993 and 2005, I have seen it. Come 2005 and I arrive at the first season of The Ultimate Fighter. This is interesting for someone who started with watching Survivor, TAR, and The Mole in the early 2000s and then entering a reality show like The Ultimate Fighter in 2011. I am sure I am approaching this program from a very different angle than 95% of its viewers. To make things more enjoyable while watching, I did running commentary and counted confessionals like I have been doing with my TAR rankings.

A few things to note:

– This season featured eight middleweights and eight light heavyweights

– Several fighters will not fight until episode 11

– Unlike newer seasons where a fighter only has to win one fight then they’re automatically in the quarterfinals, this season allowed contestants to fight multiple times until the semi-finals. In other words, the same fighter could be challenged four times before he makes it to the semi-finals while others make it to the semi-finals unchallenged.

– Three episodes don’t feature any fights.

– The editing of contestants is just like Survivor or The Amazing Race. Production makes moves that are a clear drive at gaining ratings.

– Willa Ford imitates Jeff Probst as much as possible when she is hosting. Does anyone know who Willa Ford is? Was she the only person that sixteen potentially horny men would be willing to put up with spouting off reality television clichés?

Here we go!

First episode:

Middleweight

Diego 4

Chris Leben 15

Josh Koscheck 4

Chris Sanford 2

Alex K.0

Josh R. 2

Nathan Quarry 6

Kenny 5

Light heavyweight

Forrest 4

Stephan 3

Lodune 3

Mike Swick 2

Alex S. 0

Bobby 7

Jason Thacker 9

Sam Hoger 1

– Willa Ford is extremely out of place as a host. She sounds about as robotic as the guy from Treasure Hunters.

– The heavy rock music is meant to not cater to your average reality show viewer.

– Then they reach for the alcohol immediately.

– Leben. Leben. Leben.

– Leben confessional

– Leben Leben Leben beer beer beer

– “Everyone is so f—ing boring.” — Chris L.

– “Canada is the attic you never go into” Chris L.

– “Chris has an attitude” — Josh K.

– Leben has named Jason strange brew.

– Leben steals pillows.

– Leben urinates/”spritz” on the Canadian’s pillow at 2:30am. Kenny says Jason didn’t deserve it, but nobody told Jason either.

– Forrest is excessively complimented.

– Dana compliments Chris Leben.

– I love how Marc Laimon acts so casual when Josh R. is throwing up. “Can we get any cleaning products in here?”

– Chris Leben comes to the amazing realization that drinking may have hindered his training.

– Chris goes into an ice cold bath to get attention.

– Nate has a cut under his chin and will rant about not being able to spar for the remainder of the episode.

– Jason wants to quit for the third time

– Bobby is a champ. He’s trying to get Jason who has whined non-stop and is acting like the stubborn diva on a sports team.

– Randy just said iron sharpens iron. A Coach Wade adage?

– “Forrest is sparring a bit hard. Watch him. . .Oh, he just head butts Stephan Bonnar. Ouch.”

– Stephan Bonnar throws the mouth guard in frustration.

– Leben thinks Koscheck is weak because even though he’s a coach he never tried to pass guard or spar hard.

– Thacker decides to not quit. It took Couture, Bobby, and Liddell all in a combined effort to keep him in. I don’t think he’ll last much longer anyway.

CHUCK: Bobby.

RANDY: Nate.

CHUCK: Josh Koscheck.

RANDY: Chris

CHUCK: Diego

RANDY: Stephan Bonnar

CHUCK: Sam Hogar

RANDY: Mike Swick

CHUCK: Forrest Griffin

RANDY: Lodune Sincaid

CHUCK: Kenny Florian

RANDY: Alex Konalexis

CHUCK: Alex Shoggard

RANDY: Chris Sanford

CHUCK: Josh Rafferty

RANDY: I ‘choose’ Jason Thacker.

Both Alex’s are unknown except maybe when Leben referred to one as Pokemon. This was Leben’s episode from start to finish along with Bobby getting a very positive edit. Nearly everyone pukes or is shown being exhausted to show this is a ‘real man’s’ reality TV program. I never did well in gym class in high school, and boy oh boy do I identify myself with Jason Thacker and can draw comparisons between my gym teachers saying the same things as Couture and Liddell.

The best part is that even though I would be the Jason Thacker in most situations I find myself viewing him as a whiny punk and want him to leave. Nobody wants to hear nine confessionals of a guy resisting everyone else’s efforts to stay in the game. He deserved a pillow spritzing from Leben.

I’ve only seen Bonnar and Bobby in one fight apiece before I watched this season. Bonnar fought Machida in ‘04 and Bobby lost in Pride in ‘01 or ‘02. I’ve seen Chris Leben fight three times so I’m guessing he was the biggest name heading into the house.

Second episode:

Liddell

———

Middleweight

Josh Koscheck 1

Josh Rafferty 1

Kenny 0

Diego 3

Light Heavyweight

Bobby 3

Sam Hoger 3

Forrest 1

Alex S. 0

Couture

———-

Middleweight

Chris Leben 11

Chris Sanford 7

Alex Karalexis 4

Nathan Quarry 7

Light heavyweight

Stephan 4

Lodune 5

Mike Swick 8

Jason Thacker 2

– Cue a series of gladiator metaphors and Forrest observing that Diego takes the best portion of any food. Good confessional, Forrest.

– Coaches observe Leben hits hard, Bonnar points out Swick is competitive, and Chris Sanford showed up in terrible shape.

– Diego takes a hot bath, then a cold shower, then a hot bath, then a cold shower, and repeat once more and that’s Diego’s non-training portion of the day.

– Liddell observes Kosceck is a great wrestler, Rafferty is scrappy, Forrest is tough.

– Diego claims to not know what an asparagus is despite blending it, drinking it, and putting its stalks back in the fridge.

– I can understand why Alex K. didn’t get a confessional.

– Challenge time. “To ensure fairness, the light heavyweights will compete this week. You will carry your coaches who vary in weight though. We can only do so much.” The losing coach chooses which light heavyweight is cut from his team this round. He doesn’t even get to fight.

– Couture is a natural heavyweight while Liddell is a natural light heavyweight. This must have been all a plan to oust Jason Thacker.

– Stephan, Lodune, Jason, or Mike Swick. This should be a no-brainer.

– Sam Hogar reminds me of a friend from high school who annoyed the crap out of me.

– Ah, they showed the clip of Leben beating Mike Swick. Too bad they’re on the same team.

– Lodune likes to pretend to be gay. The hat and tied up shirt while shaking it on a stool was a bit much.

“Each week someone goes home. If they suck s— then they suck s— and they have to go.” — Leben.

– Willa did a poor job of copying Jeff Probst’s speech.

– Couture claims Bonnar is the only bonified light heavyweight on the team.

– Couture doesn’t think Swick is a bonified light heavyweight, but nobody has more heart.

– Last minute pleas from Lodune and Thacker. Why not eliminate both for being a joke.

– Couture thinks Thacker has struggled technically and physically since day one. But he has become a mascot.

– Couture thinks Lodune is a free spirit and not terribly focused.

– Couture eliminates Thacker. Good choice.

– Lodune feels humiliated for being last one standing with Thacker for going home.

– Leben drinks. Diego is crazy. Swick and Leben argue about their fight. Swick

– Leben breaks out of the house and runs to a pay phone. He broke the

– Lodune quits drinking after Bobby talks to him about how he egged on Leben to go after Swick. Bobby is a major peacemaker and stand-up guy.

– Leben promises to not drink and talk s— for the rest of the show. Then it cuts to a confessional of Leben talking s— about the others.

– Another challenge. Middleweights will carry a pole, then saw it, then re-assemble it, then cross the finish line. The losing team’s coach will decide which middleweight is sent home.

– Is Alex K going home considering they showed him this episode?

– They must all think these challenges are a gigantic waste of time and have no business in mixed martial arts.

– Liddell wins again. No wonder they’ve been ignored.

– Leben is breaking down and crying for the first time?

– Sanford is confident he’ll be safe. Famous last words?

– They all think Chris Leben will be gone. Not a chance. He understands how to give a confessional.

– Couture thinks Nathan Quarry has been a rock. Therefore he stays.

– Couture thinks Alex Karalexis is one of the best athletes. Therefore he stays.

– Sanford states that Leben broke the rules when he tried to use a phone, is disruptive, and should be gone. Unfortunately that’s reality tv gold

– Leben apologizes and thinks he will fight in the UFC no matter what.

– Couture thinks Sanford possesses good traits. Good hands and good ground.

– Couture think there are no issues with Leben in terms of being a fighter. His goal is to put the best fighter on the mat. Therefore, Leben stays. Bye Bye Confident Chris Sanford.

– Sanford thinks he was the best kick boxer. I have a feeling that’s not true.

– Coach’s eliminations are over. We’ll finally see the first UFC fights on cable next episode!

Third episode:

Liddell

———

Middleweight

Josh Koscheck 8

Josh Rafferty 1

Kenny 0

Diego 0

Light Heavyweight

Bobby 10

Sam Hoger 0

Forrest 1

Alex S. 0

Couture

———-

Middleweight

Chris Leben 0

Alex Karalexis 2

Nathan Quarry 2

Light heavyweight

Stephan 1

Lodune 10

Mike Swick 1

– Nate already makes fun of the gimmicky challenges. I think he couldn’t care less about

– Bobby Southworth is 230 pounds?! He needs to be down to 205. How much weight did he put on? It’s already day 13. I noticed last episode ended with day 6. This must be the point where there’s big gaps between episodes.

– Maybe the cakes, pies, double chocolate cake, and beers may contribute to nobody cutting weight despite the craziest workouts I’ve seen.

– It’s 10pm and they’re called to the gym? Oh, Dana dropped a F bomb. Here’s a few more. “Are you f—ing fighters? Well act like it man. It’s not about banging broads when you get out of here. It’s like any other job.”

– An individual challenge? Oh God. Here’s Willa. Pull yourself on a rope while sitting in a kayak. Put ten pound weights into buckets. Take these buckets across the finish line. That’s such a Strongman event. I couldn’t care less about winning this event if I was a fighter. Who cares who you end up facing?

– The winner only tried so hard to win because he didn’t want to fight, apparently.

– This is the longest Leben has gone without a confessional.

– Liddell is the angriest I have ever seen him. All because Southworth didn’t care about a challenge? His edit went from peacemaker and hero into a guy everyone proclaims to be whiny and doesn’t have the will to continue. If only another blue threw the challenge so Bobby had more time to cut weight.

– Bobby challenged Lodune because apparently he is the weakest of Couture’s three light heavyweights.

– 18 hours for Southworth to lose 20 pounds. Oh God. Liddell is holding the door shut so Southworth can’t get out of the sauna.

– Then it cuts to everyone including Lodune having a fun time.

– Liddell and Koscheck are working together to drag him out of the sauna. You would think he was Anakin Skywalker after he drags himself out of the flames.

– The guy doesn’t have a stomach anymore! This cutting seems to empty the contents of your stomach.

– Southworth asks Lodune for a catch weight. Hmmmm. Nope.

– Southworth is 3-4 pounds over. The sign for the sauna says that

– 24 minutes remain as Koscheck LITERALLY DRAGS SOUTHWORTH ACROSS THE FLOOR INTO THE SAUNA.

– A naked Southworth makes 206 pounds. He took advantage of the one pound give-or-take system. He now has a day to replenish all that water.

– UFC has their own brand of water.

– Both fighters give confessionals about how the other doesn’t intimidate, the other is scared, and how they will bring it.

– Dana says if the match ends by submission or knockout that the winner will receive 5k. Otherwise, the original deal of not being paid for the fights will occur. I think free access to world class training should ensure the fighters aren’t pissed off anyway. I’m sure Dana would pay for a broken hand or another serious injury.

Southworth: 8-3-0

Lodune: 16-3-0

– Southworth vs. Lodune = first cable fight for the UFC.

– Big John is our ref. They’ve been against the cage for three minutes. Pretty dang boring.

– Koscheck says he’s getting tired! The first of many more I will hear over the next six years.

– A few knees and a warning for Lodune before they’re up against the cage again.

– Round one goes to Bobby but both sucked.

– Southworth KO’s Lodune with a three-punch combo at the start of round two. I didn’t think he was capable of it considering he still looked really dehydrated.

– Lodune refers to his team as the Green Machine? I really hope he’s the only one who uses that nickname. He deserves to be out just for that.

– I am happy Lodune is gone. He threw a couple of weak kicks and wanted to hold Southworth up against the fence. That’s not an exciting fighter. Southworth must be a good striker if you resort to wanting to win by a decision without getting paid as opposed to trying to finish it and bag 5k.

– Couture has now lost three in a row.

– Leben is invisible this episode? What up with that. This episode seemed to be all about Koscheck, Lodune, and Southworth. But mainly Southworth.

Fourth episode:

Liddell

———

Middleweight

Josh Koscheck 9

Josh Rafferty 1

Kenny 2

Diego 15

Light Heavyweight

Bobby 3

Sam Hoger 3

Forrest 3

Alex S. 2

Couture

———-

Middleweight

Chris Leben 9

Alex Karalexis 17

Nathan Quarry 2

Light heavyweight

Stephan 1

Mike Swick 3

– Why do they show Koscheck so much?

– Everyone on both teams believe Southworth is one of the best light heavyweights here.

– Leben thinks Southworth is a coward for picking someone as weak as Lodune. I thought if someone sucks s— they have to go Mr. Leben?

– Dana is forcing Liddell to send over a light heavyweight because the challenges need to be even. Why not have challenges be 2 vs. 2?

– The teams are growing apart. Sam doesn’t want to switch, Forrest knows being switched will suck, and Southworth is fighting with everyone on Couture’s team

– This man named Alex S. switches. He gets his first confessional of the season. I can see why because he has the most boring tone of voice of any contestant. Very flat delivery.

– Everyone has the brilliant idea of throwing the challenge so they can throw the challenge.

– Green wants Leben to throw it so he can challenge Koscheck. I want this to happen.

– Challenge time. Knock UFC targets with a medicine ball. Then throw the medicine ball over the wall.

– Two middleweights from each team compete? Then what the heck was the point of making teams even if only two compete in some of these challenges? This must have been Spike’s idea versus Dana White’s. He wouldn’t put up with this bulls—.

– Diego has decided to fight Alex K. because of a feud we have not been shown. Meanwhile, Koscheck and Leben go at it. Koscheck says Leben is a good fighter. Leben says Koscheck is a f—ing p—y for deciding not to fight him.

– Alex K claims he’ll win because he’s Greek and all Greeks do is fight. Sure, I guess that’s a stereotype.

– Diego has claimed Alex has a bad mouth, dirty mouth, and a potty mouth.

– Considering I know Diego is and I’ve never heard of Alex K, this match is spoiled for me. It’s not like Southworth where I thought he’d lose by decision.

– Everyone believes Diego is the favourite because Alex K has only trained for eighteen months. Plus Alex has a ton of confessionals this round.

– Striker vs. a submission artist. I am sure someone will be winning 5k.

– Diego has a torn hip. But whatevs, he’ll take Celebrix. Geez he can work through pain.

– Diego says he will keep coming at Alex like a ‘bad dream’. So that’s where it comes from.

– It sounds like Rock Steady by No Doubt is playing in the background.

– Ah. Diego has indeed nicknamed himself the nightmare.

Diego — 12-0

Alex Kara lexis — 4-0

– Somebody’s streak is about to be over.

– There’s Big John.

– Cue endless clichés about knocking or submitting the other. There’s never been a fighter like either of them blah blah blah

– Bobby is the loudest coach in the room. He’s a team player but yet everyone bashes him last episode? His team should be ashamed for being so negative.

– Why is this fight starting so late? I haven’t checked how many minutes are left in the episode, but I feel it should have started earlier.

– Oh, that’s because it ended within the first two minutes. I figured so. Diego put him on the ground when Alex tried a big shot, Diego punished him a bit in the half guard, then put him on his back and did a rear naked choke once Alex was completely flat.

– Alex K. says he’ll be back. I’ll predict that won’t be the case. Your run is done, buddy.

Fifth episode:

Liddell

———

Middleweight

Josh Koscheck 6

Josh Rafferty 4

Kenny 2

Diego 1

Light Heavyweight

Bobby 5

Sam Hoger 1

Forrest 3

Alex S. ( c ) 4

Couture

———-

Middleweight

Chris Leben 14

Nathan Quarry 14

Light heavyweight

Stephan 1

Mike Swick 3

– It’s day 19. Diego’s fight was the day after Southworth’s it seems.

– Swick doesn’t understand the concept of a filled garbage bag.

– Nathan is playing solitaire.

– Leben acknowledges everyone is getting sick of each other. Is this a set-up for a night on the town?

– Leben dyes his hair blood red before each fight to match the blood he will be dealing out.

– Dana White must have the most casual appearance of any multi-millionaire. He tells them he is taking them out to the Hard Rock tomorrow night.

– Leben makes a pact that all of them must drink equally. Nothing bad can happen, right?

– Alex S is getting confessionals?

– Randy tackles Alex S to the point where Nathan who is working out behind him gets his ankle hit. X-rays reveal

– Leben criticizes Kenny for low-cut jeans.

“I just don’t want these guys to get too drunk.” — Dana. Then we see a cut to Leben who acts intoxicated without any alcohol in his body. Oh boy.

– Within ten seconds Leben mentions Bobby and others have had too much to drink. Leben is surprisingly not in that group.

– “There wasn’t a sober guy in the house.” – Josh Rafferty.

– Bobby called Chris a fatherless bastard. Okay, I’m out of Bobby’s camp.

– Bobby comes over and apologizes to Leben and they hug it out. But Leben is still crying.

– Nathan, who has his game ended because of a Randy Couture tackle, turns into a mentor for Chris. They decide Leben should sleep outside.

– Bobby says him and Josh have more steam to blow off. How much steam does one need to blow off after 19 days?

– They think blowing off steam means for Koscheck to pour water with a hose onto Leben. Great idea. Leben breaks the glass in the front door and demolishes a door. Bobby and Koscheck cite being drunk and that Leben is a jerk. Yeah, great defense. After you call him a fatherless bastard.

– Forrest thinks he had a dream of God yelling at him. Turns out it’s Leben breaking his door and screaming. There are pieces of Forrest’s door in his bed.

– Dana says he’s had it up to here with Southworth. Apparently Southworth will be the scapegoat even though Koscheck was holding the hose.

– “We didn’t break any rules.” — Southworth. I guess ‘Don’t spray fellow contestants with a hose’ wasn’t specifically mentioned. Nor ‘Don’t piss on a Canadian’s bed’ in the case of Leben. I guess there’ll be revisions to the contract next season.

– An appearance by Fertitta to help decide what happens? Ooooooo, this is serious bizz.

– Decision: Koscheck has to fight Leben. Not much of a punishment there. This was a decision all for ratings and to ensure they wouldn’t have to be in the house together for no more than a couple days.

– Alex S must go home soon. Why is he suddenly getting a few confessionals?

Sixth episode:

Liddell

———

Middleweight

Josh Koscheck 10

Josh Rafferty 2

Kenny 2

Diego 0

Light Heavyweight

Bobby 2

Sam Hoger 0

Forrest 3

Alex S. ( c ) 0

Couture

———-

Middleweight

Chris Leben 11

Nathan Quarry 5

Light heavyweight

Stephan 1

Mike Swick 0

– Dana says there won’t be any alcohol in the house anymore and that all three split the share for the damages. Leben or Koscheck could be one of the first to LOSE money after being on a reality show.

– Dana says some of the best fights have come from two people who don’t like each other. He cited Tito vs. Shamrock, Baroni vs. Lindland, and Tito vs. Liddell.

– Blah blah knock him out Leben is good Koscheck sucks Leben is 18-1 Koscheck is nervous

– Forrest asks a teammate to punch him in the head a few times, Forrest frolicks on the waterfall, Forrest kneels and bounces as he eats a banana and smushes it like he’s a monkey. Dana follows it up by saying how removed these guys are from all media and electronics.

– Koscheck totally mocked Southworth’s struggles with making weight. Liddell is laughing hysterically but yet Southworth doesn’t seem to get the joke.

– Koscheck enters the weigh-in in a speedo. I think he thinks that he is 15% more attractive in a speedo than he really is.

– Sad music plays as Nate enters the hospital. We shed tears as we see the highlight of Nathan being tackled.

– If the MRI comes back positive, Nathan will be eliminated. Storyline to be continued.

– Koscheck proclaims Leben has a “gay laugh” and goes on to imitate it. I’m pretty sure Leben doesn’t laugh like the way Koscheck portrays it.

Koscheck is 4-0

Leben is 15-1

– I predict Koscheck wins by decision. They will respect each other too much.

– Herb Dean, our referee.

– A failed takedown attempt by Koscheck and not much else for the first minute. Koscheck takes Leben down and pins him up against the fence for the next three minutes. Leben receives two warnings for punches against the back of the head. Dean stands them up with 45 seconds left for inactivity. Leben had Koscheck down but Koscheck is able to get underhooks and take him down. End of round one.

– They dance around for a minute before Koscheck takes him down. Koscheck is in Leben’s half guard for the next two minutes. Leben goes for a kimora but it fails. Dean stands hem up. It doesn’t matter because Koscheck picks Leben up and takes him down again. Although Leben has a full guard this time. Few punches and kicks are thrown. Very few knees from Koscheck. Ten seconds left. Boring as crap match that was against the fence the whole time. End of match. Regardless of who wins, both could lose money from the show because of their fines and neither getting the 5k bonus.

– Koscheck wins by unanimous decision. “Nobody wants to see someone who holds someone down and lays on them the whole time.” — Leben. So true. How long before I have to see Jon Fitch fight?

– So Leben is gone. He was crying after realizing he gave too much respect to Koscheck. I am curious as to who will hog the confessionals now?

Seventh episode:

Liddell

———

Middleweight

Josh Koscheck 4

Josh Rafferty 2

Kenny 5

Diego 1

Light Heavyweight

Bobby 18

Sam Hoger 5

Forrest 4

Alex S. ( c ) 2

Couture

———-

Middleweight

Nathan Quarry 6

Light heavyweight

Stephan 18

Mike Swick 5

– Everyone agrees Koscheck laid and prayed while Leben didn’t focus on defending the takedowns.

– Bobby busted out an “I love you, man” on Koscheck.

– Couture is down to zero middleweights. Three have lost and the other is injured. Stephan and Swick are the last two men standing, and they’re both light heavyweights.

– Apparently Sam doesn’t know how to use a grill despite being taught four times. Don’t worry Sam, I don’t go anywhere near grills either.

– Sam says he doesn’t feel like he’s part of a team or any team. When you’ve got Koscheck and Southworth, it’s nearly impossible to get any unity in a squad with those two. Forrest acts like a monkey to forget his troubles. Why don’t you do the same? And where did Sam’s storyline come from? Was this to make up for Leben’s absence?

– Challenge time. Combine Tug O’ War with the challenge from Survivor Fiji’s episode 6 immunity and you get the picture. Both teams are clipped into the same ring and collect flags. First to 6 flags wins?

– Couture wins after Sam didn’t move the whole time. I think he was intentionally moving against where his team was wanting to go.

– Alex wants to fight. The other Alex wants to fight. Somehow, Stephan Bonnar, while eating an apple like he is Anderson Cooper in episode 2 of The Mole: The Next Betrayal, pitches the idea of fighting Southworth. Dana White creeps in behind him to listen. Does Dana have a job besides eavesdropping on every fighter? He is in almost every scene in the background regardless of whether he’s talking or not. He truly loves what is going on in his sport. Or maybe it’s more of a parallel to  Burnett’s constant presence in the first season of Survivor. Who knew The Ultimate Fighter would try to match Survivor’s longevity?

– Bonnar wants to fight Southworth because he believes he is the only one capable of beating him. Oddly enough, earlier confessionals in the episode also claimed that the two Alexs are the weakest followed by Bonnar who is pretty good.

– Next ten minutes are a back and forth of acknowledging they’re both good strikers and have skills but shall knock the other out.

– I wonder if Southworth will be the only fighter to fight twice before a wildcard round or the semifinals? It seems ridiculous he has to fight in two out of four fights about ten days apart. Karma for calling Leben a fatherless bastard. After all, Southworth claimed Lebem went home because of karma.

SOUTHWORTH 8-3 (One of his losses was to a crappy Japanese fighter that I saw)

BONNAR 7-1 (Lost to Machida in a fight I saw)

– Steve Mazza’y’atti as our referee? Isn’t it a G and not a Y?

– Soft exchanges for the first minute. Bonnar is held up against the fence. Then Southworth. Then Bonnar takes him onto the ground. Then Southworth reverses it. Southworth has control. Bonnar escapes after Southworth does nothing when he gets Bonnar’s back. Bonnar has him against the fence for a few seconds. Then Southworth has him for a split second before they break.Soft exchanges. End of round one.

– A few knee exchanges. Southworth has him but Bonnar converts it into a takedown. Southworth escapes about a minute later but does nothing when he gets Bonnar’s back. Bonnar is on top of him once again. Mazzagati/Mazzayati stands them up. Bonnar has him against the fence but Southworth gets away. Southworth gets a few good shots in with some punches, knees, and kicks. Bonnar has him against the fence then takes him down yet again. Southworth reverses it and has complete side control. Fifteen seconds left. Bonnar gets up with a few seconds left. Bonnar gets in a punch well after the bell.

– Liddell, Dana, and Couture are all convinced a third round will be coming. However, the judges screw up and decided Bonnar won by split decision. Yep. That’s why you never leave it up to the judges. Everyone is amazed the judges found a clear cut winner.

– The episode ends with Southworth cursing and we’re told to expect more next episode.

– I’m guessing the Sam storyline can’t be over yet? They’re clearly setting it up for more drama.

Eighth episode:

Liddell

———

Middleweight

Josh Koscheck 6

Josh Rafferty ( c ) 14

Kenny 2

Diego 10

Light Heavyweight

Bobby 3

Sam Hoger 6

Forrest 5

Alex S. ( c ) 0

Couture

———-

Middleweight

Chris Leben 7

Nathan Quarry 4

Light heavyweight

Stephan 3

Mike Swick 3

– More of the aftermath of Bobby’s loss. He is the first Liddell fighter to lose. . .and it took two matches of Southworth fighting in a week to do it. The guy already went through cutting twenty pounds in eighteen hours once. He must be tired. Oh God. Get out of my head, Koscheck.

– Everyone dissects why Stephan somehow was declared the winner.

– Southworth and Dana swear at each other. Dana doesn’t really portray himself as a boss to the point that he has to remind these people that if they‘re in the UFC that they have to do what he says.

– Nate needs surgery. He’s eliminated but gets to stay to coach his team.

– Is Couture crying because of Nate’s loss? I’m surprised.

– Sam went for a run with the other team and missed practice. Is that a good idea when your team already hates you? Even Liddell thinks that was stupid after everyone has accused Sam of throwing the challenge.

– Because Nate is an unscheduled loss, he gets to bring anyone back to take his place. I guess losing a fourth episode to not having a fight is a bit much for a fighting reality show that wants to distinguish itself from those other ‘sissy’ reality shows.

– Of course. Nate brings back Leben. Did Nate really have any say in this matter or was there some “influence” in this matter?

– Koscheck and Leben are cordial with one another then trash each other in confessionals.

– WILLA: Welcome back Chris.

*Cue black power salute*

– Challenge time. Koscheck and Kenny vs. Leben and Josh. Leben gets partial redemption with a landslide victory.

– Couture discusses who should fight. They put Rafferty on the spot. They want him to fight Kenny. Rafferty avoids it because he says they’re friends. He proceeds to say everyone on the team is stronger than him except Diego. Although everyone else claims Diego is the strongest out of all the middleweights on that team.

– In the next sparring session, Sam’s team decides to spar as hard as they can to get payback for betraying the team. I don’t think that will help team spirit. They don’t show a confessional of Sam observing this change though. How much of this storyline is manufactured?

– Stephan claims his buddy Rafferty is a 10:1 underdog. Nobody thinks he can win. Ouch. Why do people challenge Diego if everyone thinks he is the absolute toughest guy? Yet they challenge Diego because Rafferty and Alex K. think he’s weak? What up with that?

– Blah blah Raffery is screwed blah blah Dana thinks Diego will demolish Rafferty.

– Diego oils himself up and insists to be saran wrapped so he can lay in saran wrap when he sleeps. Oooookay. Next day, Diego is training outside in the storm because he can feel electricity in the air. Ooookay.

DIEGO 12-0

RAFFERTY 11-3

– I predict Diego by submission.

– Diego has full mount in less than thirty seconds. A flurry of punches for the next eighty seconds. Rafferty is covering his face but not much else. Submission a few seconds later. In two minutes, Rafferty did not punch, kick, or defend well. Did Diego get a single scratch? He could fight tomorrow, I bet.

– Oh, and Mazzayati was the referee again.

– Rafferty insists he’ll go home and practice. I personally think he’ll go nowhere. Then there were eight. Is this the quarterfinals now?

Ninth episode:

Liddell

———

Middleweight

Josh Koscheck 4

Kenny 9

Diego 5

Light Heavyweight

Sam Hoger 11

Forrest 10

Alex S. ( c ) 10

Couture

———-

Middleweight

Chris Leben 0

Nathan Quarry 3

Light heavyweight

Stephan 10

Mike Swick 1

– Alex S speaks! He must go home this episode.

– What is happening to Stephan’s eye? It looks nasty.

– Liddell was forced to give ANOTHER middleweight up. Kenny, meet your doom.

– They’re throwing objects amongst each other around the house because they’re so bored. Sam fails at throwing a couch cushion. It bounced off the wall instead of falling down the stairs.

– Forrest shaved his head.

– Alex S versus Forrest this round? Both have seen a bump in confessional time.

– They watched UFC 50. GSP gets to relieve being submitted with one second left in the round.

– Day 33. Challenge time. Two light heavyweights have to retrieve crates of water bottles that are scattered throughout a tower of stairs. First to 30 wins and dunks the opposing team’s coach.

– Sam gets to dunk Couture. Couture thought both teams had one crate to go as opposed to Liddell’s team being a full crate ahead.

– Everyone thinks Forrest was a beast. Sam points out he carried 15 crates too. Although it comes out that he picked all of the ones that were closest to the starting line.

– Liddell lets Forrest fight despite Sam’s protests of saying it was his idea that led the team to victory. Everyone must be itching to fight Alex S. He must REALLY suck if they’re all scrambling to fight the guy with no personality.

– Stephan says his supplements are missing. Him and Diego check people’s bags. Nobody has them. But what they find is that Sam has five hats when four people have been missing hats. He has four beanies/toques, and three people are missing one. Uh oh. Sam, what did you do? You’re going to make everyone hate your guts. On both teams.

– Kenny is suddenly getting confessionals because he’s willing to curse with Sam on television.

– I think Sam stole the stuff. His anger is too fake. Poor Sam. He wants to be accepted. He seeks approval. My prediction of him going next round should come to fruition barring a miracle.

– “I picked Alex because he’s the weakest link. It’s not a jab at him.” – Forrest. Uh, I think that’s the definition of a verbal jab.

– Alex’s nickname was ‘Easy Tap’ when he was with the blue team. I have a feeling this will be a short fight.

– I wonder if Liddell wears blue because he’s the Ice Man, and Couture wears green because he’s the Natural.

– Sam was told he couldn’t take the stuff from the office. Therefore, he fesses up and lets everyone take anything that may have been someone else’s. Nobody is satisfied with this apology. They still think he was intending to steal. I think everyone is fed up with Sam by this point.

FORREST 9-2

ALEX EASY TAP 10-0

– Herb Dean is our referee.

– Forrest and Alex exchange to start out the face. Forrest is cut by one of Alex’s punches. Forrest rallies by picking Alex and taking him down. Alex has zero ground game as Forrest gets into full mount and reigns down punches on Alex until he taps out despite having plenty of room to get out.

– Yet another one of Couture’s men is eliminated. Yes, Alex was originally Liddell’s man but when it’s pure-blooded Forrest vs. Mixed-Blood Alex, you have to give the point to Liddell. Chuck has excelled at coaching. Or good at picking the right people for his team. After all, he was able to avoid picking Thacker and sent away two of his worst men.

– Leben gets zero airtime. I think he says about ten words all episode. It was clearly an episode surrounding Kenny, Sam, Stephan, Forrest, and Alex S. I think this is Kenny’s only feature episode.

– Next week is the start of the semi-finals. Will we finally get to see Sam or Kenny fight? Perhaps they fight each other? And will Stephan fight next round to explain his sudden spike in airtime? I hope so. Otherwise it doesn’t make sense. Oh, and there’s Swick. He hasn’t fought too. This format is crappy when Diego could be fighting a third time before someone fights once.

Tenth episode:

Liddell

———

Middleweight

Josh Koscheck 5

Kenny 22 ( c )

Diego 1

Light Heavyweight

Bobby 2

Sam Hoger 2

Forrest 5

Couture

———-

Middleweight

Chris Leben 21

Nathan Quarry 1

Light heavyweight

Stephan 3

Mike Swick 4

– A review of the previous fight. Alex beating up Forrest and Forrest looking like he’ll be finished off any second. Forrest being surprised by Alex’s standup to the point that he decided to bring him to the ground. Luckily Alex is pathetic on the ground.

– We’re introduced to Dr. Hsu. He specializes in repairing eyebrows that are split in half. Ew, blood. Forrest’s eyebrow cut is nasty. We get to see stitches too. I am fine seeing this but I faint when I hear about marijuana? I have a strange set of things I can tolerate.

– After Forrest’s eyebrow is repaired, he exposes that he hyper extended his elbow. Again. This guy is crazy.

– No Willa Ford anymore? Dana is introducing the semi-finals? Maybe enough of the contestants threatened to quit if she had to talk anymore.

– Chris vs. Kenny. Koscheck vs. Diego. 3 5-minute rounds instead of too. After that, Stephan fights Swick. Sam fights Forrest. Dana explains this is to ensure each team has someone represented in the finals (or really that Couture has something to do besides sitting in the gym waiting for his cheques in the mail. Couture probably would have preferred sitting because then he can’t tackle and injure his own players anymore.)

– Hmmm. Forrest has to pick a light heavyweight to take his place in the event his cut is deemed too dangerous. Guess what?

– Everyone whines about fighting their own training partners. They all find this to be such a groundbreaking twist. They did know they would have to fight each other if they’re both in the finals, right? Why does it make a difference if it’s the semi-finals?

– They’re building up the Kenny vs. Leben fight. I’m guessing this is the fight for this episode? It gives Forrest time to recover for his cut.

– Day 37. New music for once. Koscheck is angry that if Leben fights Kenny that it’s utter bulls— because he beat him already. You’ll be the first of many people to complain about that, Koscheck. I can’t think of a season that doesn’t have someone brought back whether through injury replacement  or wildcard. These shows have an episode contract to fulfill. If we didn’t replace anyone who gets injured, the fans would have five episodes that don’t have a single fight. Three episodes without one is bad enough as it is.

– Forrest chooses Southworth to come into the house. I have a gut feeling Southworth doesn’t fight. 😛

– Southworth and Leben are the two who are lucky enough to re-enter the house this season. Yep. Just a coincidence that these two come back over the likes of Lodune or Alex S who fought oh so valiantly.

– Apparently Southworth was such a whiner that the house was neat. Ever since he left, the house is once again a mess and the wrath of Southworth shall clean it all up. Now we’re informed of yet another virtually non-existent feud between Sam and Southworth. These two could potentially fight if Forrest is gone. The Battle of the Whiners!

– Kenny feels he is underestimated. He says he is a jiu jitsu expert and that Leben doesn’t expect him to have a stand-up game.

– “This game is as much mental as it is physical.” — Leben. Way to steal a quote from every complex player to ever play Survivor. Do you feel real original stating that?

– Leben says he lived in a place that at times had no power or food. Maybe he was on Survivor after all.

– Nate pipes in about Leben not having a good dad. I noticed Nate only has a confessional shown when he’s in ‘counsellor’ mode or making us aware of Sam being picked on as an explanation for his stealing or Leben’s parental issues for why he is a drunk and a jerk at times.

– Kenny announces he likes to bleed, to sweat, to compete, to watch fights, and does it all with a passion. I think he may or may not be a psychopath.

– What is the name of Liddell’s assistant coach who wears a hat low enough to where his eyes don’t get exposed? He seems to have a really abrasive personality.

– Dana says Kenny is impressive for making the semi-finals. Yes, accumulating a 0-0 record is paving a real path of destruction to the semi-finals. Nottttt. You can put a seven year-old who avoids being challenged that can make semi-finals too. Does that make him one of the best eva?

– Leben has said guns blazing three times. Kenny has said it will be an absolute war three times. That is their mutual way of saying they will put in their best effort to win and that both will be pissed if they lose.

LEBEN 15-1

KENNY 3-1

– Leben has his blood red hair. He enters the octagon and does one of the silliest running motions around the ring/octagon.

– Heavy metal music plays.

– Big John is our ref. This is a really early fight in an episode. Dana explains this is 3 5-minute rounds and that Kenny will be coached by Liddell despite being on Couture.

– Kenny by decision?

– Trade then clinch trade then clinch trade while clinching. Leben gets around twenty solid seconds of doing some Marco Ruas foot stomps on Kenny. They break and continue their trading and clinching routine. All of these clinches typically have Kenny held up against the fence. Kenny throws an uppercut but Leben doesn’t look phased in the slightest. Kenny finds himself against the fence again. Leben looks like he throws some really hard punches. Oh, Marco Ruas foot stomps! Leben’s head doesn’t move when Kenny throws punches. Kenny’s knees look weak too. Kenny on the other hand winces at the knees and punches. Leben easily takes round one.

– Round starts by Leben chasing Kenny all around the ring while swinging wildly. They get into a quick clinch where Leben throws a knee and Kenny swings for the fences. One minute passes. Leben chases Kenny connecting some punches and kicks. Kenny is running away from Leben faster than normal. He’s hurtin. Two minutes pass. Leben holds Kenny up against the fence. More foot stomps. And some more. Not much else is happening. Kenny is able to deal an elbow from the fence that looks like it deals some damage. And it does! Leben is cut at the eye really bad.

– The cut is on the eyebrow. It might be deeper than Forrest’s. It’s done! Kenny’s miracle blow gives him the win. If this went the distance, Leben wins by unanimous. Bad break for Leben. Oh well. He gets to fight twice and lose twice before being kicked out.

– Kenny acknowledges he was lucky to get cut him. He said it’s the first elbow he has ever thrown.

– Unnamed low-brimmed hat-wearing man congratulates Kenny!

– Kenny is moving onto the finals. Who will join him? We find out next episode whether it is Koscheck or Diego.

– Does Diego lack such a personality that he gets beaten in confessionals by Nate or Bobby who will likely never fight for the remainder of the season? And Diego has already fought in two episodes. Shouldn’t he be a major fan favourite? Especially if he is fighting for a third time in three weeks? No UFC fighter would dream of pulling such a stunt like that today.

– Oh, and Team Couture loses for the millionth time this season. Hilarious. At least Couture always has Lindland as a coach.

Eleventh episode:

Liddell

———

Middleweight

Josh Koscheck 5

Kenny 1 ( c )

Diego 8

Light Heavyweight

Bobby 3

Sam Hoger 0

Forrest 4

Couture

———-

Middleweight

Chris Leben 2

Nathan Quarry 0

Light heavyweight

Stephan 0

Mike Swick 2

– I love that Rafferty’s puking is included in the intro.

– Is that Limp Bizkit who sings the intro song? I think it is. The voice sounds like Fred Durst.

– A review of the previous fight. We get to see Leben’s nasty eyebrow cut. It might be worse than Forrest’s.

– Bobby gives Leben kudos for his punching power.

– How many confessionals will Leben get before he is sent home at the start of the episode?

– Leben has sliced a knuckle and an eyebrow yet a loss is what makes him cry. I’d prefer keeping my knuckle and/or eyebrows personally.

– “He beat me fair and square. Losing because of a cut is a decisive victory. He was looking to cut him, he was looking to cut me. In my book I owe him a beer.” — Leben. I think I’d prefer

– “This isn’t the end for me. I wasn’t too good in school and I can’t dance. So I gotta keep fighting.” — Leben. I think you missed about 1, 500 careers Leben.

– Diego is practicing his knockout power. It seems everyone truly fears Koscheck’s wrestling and take-down skill. Will we have a boring decision in favour of Koscheck?

– Another visit for Forrest to Dr. Hsu. Will him or Bobby beat Sam who has become virtually silent whenever he isn’t stealing or running with the other team?

– Ah, Bobby just called Sam a cheater, a liar, and a thief in a confessional.

– Day 39. Weigh-ins. Koscheck claims he isn’t one-dimensional. Keep dreaming, buddy. And please stop wearing that stupid speedo.

– We get to travel with Dana around as he books a venue for the weigh-in and how it is free and for the fans to all attend at the Cox Pavilion. We are told Shamrock and Franklin are headlining the finale. I don’t know if this is trying to advertise for the finale or if they don’t have any interesting footage to show from the house. Come to think of it, nothing has happened at the house since Sam stole hats amongst all of the confusion.

– A fight that seems really early. Does this go to decision too?

– Koscheck by decision?

– Herb Dean our referee.

– Neither Diego nor Koscheck are cornering either fighter. The assistant coaches and some of the players are giving advice.

– Two minutes of the occasional clinch but primarily circling. Koscheck tries to take Diego down but Diego escapes. They’re giving each other too much respect. Diego gets Koscheck into a headlock and tries to guillotine him but Koscheck pulls out. They both eventually get up but they have another sprawl almost immediately. Diego has him in another head lock while standing but Koscheck gets out. Diego goes for another headlock and seems to be really close to a guillotine but the clock runs out. Koscheck throws some punches throughout the round but none of it causes significant damage. End of round one.

– They touch gloves. How nice. They circle each other for the first two minutes of the round.

– Koscheck goes for a takedown. Diego has him in prime triangle and armbar positions while he is down on the ground. Koscheck is able to lock into Diego’s full guard. Not a single punch or elbow is being thrown. Koscheck stands up and throws some lazy kicks into Diego’s leg until Diego goes into Diego’s guard again. Dean calls for a clean break and stands them up. Diego turns away thinking he has time before Dean tells them to fight despite Dean telling him otherwise. Koscheck uses this time to throw a last second right hand. End of round two amongst a series of curses.

– Clinches. They’re both throwing some serious strikes. Everyone is screaming louder than usual shouting advice.

– Diego goes on the ground. Koscheck goes into his guard. Diego gets close to pulling out some triangles and armbars. Koscheck temporarily gets Diego’s back but Diego converts it into a kneebar. Koscheck had Diego’s back but Diego slumps onto his back. Dean calls for a clean break the second Koscheck is in Diego’s full guard. Timeout simultaneously when Diego’s mouth guard is lost. Two minutes remain. Diego throws a really ugly uppercut. Koscheck fakes a punch into takedown. Koscheck has side control but Diego rolls into an armbar attempt. Koscheck pulls out. They roll about on the ground. Koscheck is wrapped around the top of Koscheck’s back. Not much is happening here as Koscheck holds onto Diego’s leg. Ten seconds left. Diego punches Koscheck’s kidneys non-stop. End of round three. We go to a judge’s decision. I think Diego wins 29-28 because of his numerous submission attempts while Koscheck takes Diego down but never made an attempt to advance position.

– Split decision. 29-28 for Sanchez. 30-27 for Koscheck. Cecil scores it 29-28 for Diego Sanchez. Diego wins! The one time I favour Cecil Peoples’ judging.

– Diego has now fought 20 minutes of MMA in less than three weeks. Koscheck has fought 25 minutes of MMA in less than 25 minutes too.

– Diego vs. Kenny at the TUF finale for the middleweights.

– Sam vs. Forrest/Southworth and Stephan vs. Swick for the light heavyweights next episode. Yep, TWO fights in ONE episode. It’s fantastic.

– In the promo they say ‘Sam finally fights’ while they don’t give this distinction for Swick. I’m guessing Sam suffers a really embarrassing loss?

– No confessionals from Sam, Nate, and Stephan despite two of them fighting next episode. Swick only had two lousy confessionals. Leben had two confessionals and he’s out of the competition!

Twelfth episode:

Liddell

———

Middleweight

Josh Koscheck 1

Kenny 5

Diego 4

Light Heavyweight

Bobby 3

Sam Hoger 4

Forrest 8

Couture

———-

Middleweight

Nathan Quarry 0

Light heavyweight

Stephan 7

Mike Swick 7

– Here we go. The last episode before the finale. It is the last one with a confessional count.

– They review the fight. Koscheck is wearing an oxygen mask. The paramedics think he has a concussion.

– Koscheck’s face looks ugly. He is the first member of the purple race.

– Cue promotion of the April 9th TUF finale. Kenny versus Diego. Are they acknowledging that we have two light heavyweight fights this round?

– Day 41. We don’t know if Forrest or Southworth will fight.

– “Cutting weight and might not getting to fight is like getting bazooka’d in the face.” — Southworth. Uh what?

– Dr. Goodman informs Forrest that he can fight.

– Dana has to inform Bobby that he can’t fight. Southworth agrees to work Forrest’s corner. Dana gives him praise in a confessional.

– Dana seems to be the only one talking all episode. Better than Willa, I s’pose.

– Dana tells us that the whole house hates Sam the only reason he’s here is because no one has challenged him. He goes so far as to use the cliché “He has played this game”

– Sam pulls out his best trash talk. Forrest takes a more modest approach. I’d prefer getting to the fight than Sam trying to pull out a weak effort at giving intimidating confessionals.

SAM HOGER 7-0

FORREST 9-2

There isn’t any build up for this fight. Nobody is promoting either as a dominator or an underdog. It’s as if the producers couldn’t care less.

– Big John is our referee.

– Come to think of it, they never mentioned Sam’s discipline in the show. Forrest is a kick boxer. It’s like they didn’t want to portray Sam as a fighter at all.

– Two minutes of Forrest circling around Sam. Neither have landed anything exceptionally effective. You would think they were sparring with their routine combinations. Sam uses the same combo. Forrest starts to push the action in the third minute. If I was Sam I would attack the eyebrow or the scar beneath Forrest’s eye. Nothing better than getting into the finals with a doctor’s stoppage. You certainly don’t have to do much damage. Thirty seconds left. Does Sam have any gameplan? Forrest lands a good shot at the very end of the round. End of round one.

– Forrest looks impatient. Sam uses that same lousy combo. He did get a couple good kicks in. Forrest is putting more energy in his shots. Finally, there is a clinch and Forrest grabs Sam’s head and throws one-two-three-four knees. Sam is down and covers up as Forrest throws six punches in a row before the referee stops it.

– Sam gives Big John and Forrest much more credit than any of us expected. He exits quietly. How much of his edit was manufactured from earlier on?

– Dana promotes that Forrest will have the biggest fight of his life as he will be exhilarated when he fights in front of a packed house and millions of viewers at home. Next time you can come outright and tell us you want us to watch the finale, Dana.

– Couture trains Stephan and Swick while trying to be neutral. He encourages both and says he is happy with both of them. He doesn’t know who will win. At least Dana will stop talking for a bit.

– Dana is looking forward to the fight.

– Day 44. Weigh-in.

Day 45. Fight day. Swick wasn’t expecting to fight Stephan. Hasn’t Stephan been the only other light heavyweight for about two weeks after he beat Southworth?

SWICK 6-1 (Lost to Leben)

BONNAR 7-1 (Lost to Machida)

– This fight has more build-up than Sam and Forrest. Big John is our referee.

– Bonnar by knockout?

– A lot more movement from both fighters. Swick attempts a takedown but Stephan pushes him against the fence and throws three knees into the stomach. Swick puts him on the ground and has a guillotine. Bonnar’s face is turning a really deep purple. He is making the gurgling noises when someone will go unconscious before tapping. Stephan gets his face out at the least second possible. They work on the ground until Swick is deep into Bonnar’s full guard. Swick has him against the fence. Cross-facing. Swick attempts a choke as he pushes Stephan through the fence. Bonnar is out. Swick has Stephan’s back. Swick takes him down but Bonnar rolls him into a potential armbar but lets it go in favour of rolling it into a full mount. Swick reverses it and is in Stephan’s full guard. Bonnar is on the ground for another minute but he forms a triangle with thirty seconds left. Nothing will happen. Wait, that triangle is very deep. Ten seconds remain. Bonnar catches Swick’s right arm and stretches it. Swick taps out with four seconds left in the round. Ouch.

– Bonnar proclaims Swick is a force to be reckoned with. That means Stephan can beat forces that are reckoned with.

– Swick thinks Stephan will win no doubt.

CONFESSIONAL TOTALS:

Jason Thacker: 9 / 2 / X / X / X / X / X / X / X / X / X / X

Ratio: 5.5

Chris Sanford: 2 / 7 / X / X / X / X / X / X / X / X / X / X

Ratio: 4.5

Lodune Sinca: 3 / 5 / 10/ X / X / X / X / X / X / X / X / X

Ratio: 6.0

Alex Karalex: 0 / 4 / 2 / 17/ X / X / X / X / X / X / X / X

Ratio: 5.75

Chris Leben : 15/11/ 0 / 9 /14/ 11/ X / 7 / 0 / 21 / 2 / X

Ratio: 9.00

Nathan Quar: 6 / 7 / 2 / 2 / 14 / 5 / 6 / 4 / 3 / 1 /  0 /  0

Ratio: 4.17

Josh Rafferty: 2 / 1 / 1 / 1 / 4 / 2 / 2 / 14 / X / X / X / X

Ratio: 3.38

Bobby South: 7 / 3 / 10/ 3/ 5 / 2 / 18 / 3 / X / 2 / 3 / 3

Ratio: 5.36

Alex Schoen: 0 / 0 / 0 / 2 / 4 / 0 / 2 / 0 / 10 / X / X / X

Ratio: 2.00

Josh Kosche: 4 / 1 / 8 / 9 / 6 / 10/ 4 / 6 / 4 /  5 / 5 /  1

Ratio: 5.25

Sam Hoger:  1 / 3 / 0 / 3 / 1 / 0 /  5 / 6 / 11 / 2 / 0 / 4

Ratio: 3.00

Mike Swick: 2 / 8 / 1 / 3 / 3 / 0 / 5 / 3 / 1  / 4 / 2 / 7

Ratio: 3.25

Diego Sanc: 4 / 3 / 0 /15 / 1 / 0 / 1 / 10/ 5 / 1 / 8 / 4

Ratio: 4.33

Ken Florian: 5 / 0 / 0 / 2 / 2 / 2 / 5 / 2 / 9 / 22/ 1 / 5

Ratio: 4.58

Stephan Bo: 3 / 4 / 1 / 1 / 1 / 1 / 18/ 3 / 10/ 3/ 0 / 7

Ratio: 4.33

Forrest Gri: 4 / 1 / 1 / 3 / 3 / 3 / 4 / 5/ 10 / 5 / 4 / 8

Ratio: 4.25

Final episode

—————-

– Ignore the promo stuff.

– Diego by submission in round 3?

– A mariachi band plays in the octagon as Diego works his way through the tunnel.

– The camera is cutting to Chris Leben a lot.

– They circle for the first minute. Diego puts Kenny against the fence in a clinch for the second minute. They break the clinch. Diego charges Kenny into the fence and Kenny takes to the ground. Diego quickly gets Kenny on the ground in the fight. Diego gets Kenny’s back. Diego keeps swinging as he moves into full mount. Mazzagati stops the fight less than three minutes into the round.

– Diego wins a six-figure contract, and a 2006 vehicle from Toyota, a motorcycle, and a watch from a jewelers. Wow. That’s A LOT of promotion. Four wins in one season. Incredible.

– Diego proceeds to thank Jesus and God. I personally think he trained hard and deserved the win. That’s just me.

– Oh, and he thanked his acupuncturist too.

– SOOOOOOOOOOOOO MUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCH PROOOOOMOOOOOOOOOTIOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON. Forrest and Stephan speak about how Forrest smiles when he gets hit.

– The camera cuts to Koscheck. I guess he’s the other star of the series besides Leben?

– The camera cuts to Randy Couture’s wife’s chest.

– You know the magic that happens.

– Team Liddell wins both finale matches. Hilarious. Couture was a joke of a coach all season.

– When they announce the second six-figure contract for Stephan Bonnar, you need to look at Bruce Buffer’s reaction. He is screaming ‘YES! YES!’ at the top of his lungs and has never looked more ecstatic in the octagon.

– In all of the fights I have ever seen, this fight takes the cake. Incredible.

– Kevin James is interviewed. He says Couture will beat Liddell next week and says it was the most incredible fight he has ever seen.

– Oh, and Ken Shamrock battles Rich Franklin. The Most Dangerous Man needs to head over to Pride and fight Mark Coleman or Don Frye to keep things interesting. Or convince Gary Goodridge to come out of retirement.

Worst to best fights

Bobby Southworth vs. Stephan Bonnar. (A terrible decision.)

Josh Koscheck vs. Chris Leben (Koscheck’s first pro fight against a good striker. Leben gave too much respect and Koscheck refused to advance position.)

Diego Sanchez vs. Josh Koscheck (You know you can throw strikes, right Josh? This isn’t a wrestling match.)

Diego Sanchez vs. Josh Rafferty (This fight was far too lop-sided for it to be incredibly enjoyable to watch. Will anyone remember this submission? I couldn‘t recall who Rafferty fought.)

Bobby Southworth vs. Lodune Sincaid (Not much occurs in the first round. Southworth lands an unexpected combination to land Lodune. I guess quitting alcohol didn’t help. Southworth cutting twenty pounds in eighteen hours was an impressive prelude to the fight.)

Sam Hoger vs. Forrest Griffin (Sam Hoger didn’t make the fight too exciting. It was monotonous. Thankfully Forrest ended our suffering and knocked Sam down.)

Diego Sanchez vs. Alex Karalexis. (Alex K was severely outclassed. Nothing like a good ol rear naked choke.)

Forrest Griffin vs. Alex Easy Tap (There were good trades standing up but the second it went to the ground it turned into How Many Punches Can Forrest Throw Before, as Goldberg likes to say, ‘it’s all overrrrrr’.)

Kenny Florian vs. Chris Leben (An example of another really good scrap. Florian lands the first elbow of his career to make the doctor stop the battle because of a cut on Leben that was caused by the cut. Decisive victory is satisfying for the viewer and the fighter.)

Stephan Bonnar vs. Mike Swick (A fantastic battle. Featuring Bonnar’s gurgling noises. Swick taps out with four seconds is a memorable screw-up.)

Diego Sanchez vs. Kenny Florian (Diego does the impossible and wins against four separate opponents in a span of three months. Third submission of the game to be crowned champion.)

Forrest Griffin vs. Stephan Bonnar. (No words within these brackets can do this fight justice.)

Ranking: 1/1

Rating: 8/10

This ranking is finished. IT’S ALL OVER!

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