39 Day Challenge (Day 30 — Best Rivalry)
Alex Jordan, Julie Bentz, Brian Wildman, Ian O’ Brien, Rosey Sigglekow, Brandon Alexander, Clayton Spivey, Sarah Casa, Daniel Knowles – Bobby Jon vs. Jamie (The only thing memorable about Guatemala other than AY-DEE-DEE.)
Angie MacNeil, Nathan Miller, Rob Beasley, Jimmy Jt, Karl Marquez – Rob vs. Russell (They both did so bad in Heroes vs. Villains, that we thought we would cast the worst Survivor savvy players ever just so these two could duke it out!)
David Healy, Francisco Grilo, Elliot McMurchy, Aaron Conn, Andrea Zabala, – Jerri & Colby (They are the only two to be on the same tribe in three separate seasons that are at least three years apart.)
Ori Kohav, Diogo Almeida, James Wall, Mervin Sanding, – Terry & Aras (They’re like two equally uninteresting battering rams! We should let a set of implants decide who the victor will be.)
Bren Porter, Maxime Gauthier-LaFond, – Twila & Eliza (Eliza is lazy and annoying, and hates those who look like rural old hags. Twila is a hardworker who hates lazy, annoying, and spoiled urban folk. Next season of TAR, please?)
Diego Costa, Nelson Escobar, – Courtney & Jean-Robert (He lost an immunity challenge and his position in this game all because of his quest for a million dollars and some a–.)
Matt Pike, – Sandra & Fairplay (She can get loud. He can get cocky. Who will receive the million dollar cheque from Lil?)
Anne Curtis, – Brendan & Coach (Brendan is the dragon. Hence Coach’s name as the Dragon Slayer.)
Phillip Scherer, – Sandra and Russell (Sandra told Russell there was an idol in the ocean so he would be tricked into washing his a–.)
Ben Nehls, – Rob vs. Lex (A rivalry so good it killed the last seven episodes of a Survivor season.)
James Bleau, – James vs. Tom (
TOM: You’re a bull-eh, James. You should be gentler.
JAMES: I just wanna win, y’all.
TOM: You partake in brutish bull-eh-ing.
JAMES: I just wanna win, y’all. You just wanna lose, y’all? Then I’m voting y’all out.
TOM: I never meant ter say that James.)
Logan Saunders, – Tom vs. Ian
JEFF: Immunity is up for grabs. Will it be Tom or will it be Ian?
COBY: I wanna win.
JEFF: Will it be Tom or will it be Ian?
COBY: I wanna win.
JEFF: Well, nobody spoke up. Ian and Tom moving on to the final round.)
Bobby Harvey, – Todd vs. Jean-Robert (The trash gets smelly after twelve days, but Todd kept him in for eight days beyond the expiration date. Twenty-four days of smelly trash gave you a million dollars over what Jean-Robert deems to be two pieces of a–.)
Ryan Weiss, – Sierra vs. Tyson (
SIERRA: This game is about strengths and weaknesses.
EVERYONE ELSE: …..
TYSON: Want me to translate?
SIERRA: You went bananas.
TYSON: Hi Gwen. If you want my number. . .just ask.
SIERRA: Who are you talking to? Gwen is a game of strengths and weaknesses.
JEFF: Whoever draws the purple rock will get last shot in Shuffleboard, thus guaranteeing an immunity win.
DEBBIE: I win!
EVERYONE ELSE: Bliiiindside, Mr. Apostol.
TYSON: The Mormons always get screwed unless they’re an elf.
SIERRA: You got blindsided! I win.
TYSON: You weren’t even in on the plan. See you in three days, idiot.
EVERYONE ELSE: Okay, you can go home now Sierra.
SIERRA: But isn’t this a game of strengths and weaknesses?
Jimmy O’ Hara, – Rupert vs. Fairplay (I think I’ve beaten this exchange to death many times before in this countdown. Any suggestions to keep it fresh?)