39 Day Survivor Challenge (Day 24 — Most Annoying Jeff-ism)
Anne Curtis, Matt Pike, Deb Shaffer, Joey Pannullo, Ryan Comeau, Brandon Alexander, Aaron Conn, Clay Halford, – Challenge narration (This challenge requires complete concentration. Just listen to the sound of my soothing middle-aged and well-paid voice. There’s no pressure in a million dollar challenge. Too bad the only time I’ve had a sore throat was during Palau. This Jeff-ism and the below Jeff-ism are neck and neck right now!)
Logan Saunders, Brian Whitehead, Aaron Frazee, Rosey Sigglekow, Alissa Schultink, Sarah Casa, Daniel Knowles, – Challenge narration or TC discussion that interferes with the outcome. If only he kept mum about it in the first place. (Galu is forming a human pyramid to get through this challenge! They are succeeding. Foa Foa is doing something else and are failing. Oh my, what should you guys do to catch up? And did you know tonight would be a really good time to blindside somebody?)
Ian O’ Brien, Bobby Harvey, Andrea Zabala, – Wanna know what you’re playing for? (And the casual fan will think it’s hilarious to shout “NO!” when they hear Jeff ask this on TV.)
Alex Jordan, Ben Nehls, – You’re not a true fan if…(You haven’t had wet dreams about Boston Rob, you oppose Redemption Island, you like Brian Heidik winning Thailand, you believe Natalie White deserved to beat Russell, you dislike my constant commentary, you don’t want Russell on three times in four seasons, you wanted Rupert to be voted out pre-merge in P.I.)
Brett Watts, Diogo Almeida, – You seized the moment (Is this Survivor or a knock-off of Phil’s quickly scrapped show “No Opportunity Wasted”?)
Brian Wildman, Rob Beasley – Nothing. (We like Pretty Boy Probst just the way he is. We love he never shuts up. We love he invites Rob to play four times. We love Redemption Island. Anybody else who voted is just a bunch of H. 8. R. ‘. S.)
David Healy, Ori Kohav, – Jeff Channels His Mother (I don’t know guys. If Probst’s mom would make that move, should we trust her judgment? Do we know if Probst’s mom is a savvy strategist? How would she talk to a jury? Hmmmmm. Probst’s mom, you’re a genius! Thanks Jeff for employing your Kurain channelling techniques and bringing your mom’s opinion into light. Is her name Mia by any chance?)
Jason Bleau, Clayton Spivey, – DIG!!!!! (Timon doing a good job of digging that tunnel! Booker T needs to dig it, suckaaaaaaaaa.)
Justin M. Lesniewski, – H8ing on Probst (“Justin doing a good job of getting cast on season twenty-five! Justin is neck-and-neck with a 20-year-old cousin of Boston Rob for potentially being cast! You need to dig if you truly want to stay sucking onto my kneecaps!”)
Bren Porter, – Nether Jellyfish sting (I got stung by a jellyfish on my you-know-what. Want to hear all about it in this interview?)
Angie MacNeil, – Hand gestures (Probst sign language:
hands being raised = stay where you are.
Lowering my hands = you can start.
Raising my hands = you win.
Pounding my fist into my other hand = Dig deep.
Leaning my face into my hand = Get the f—ing fire started already.
Mervin Sanding, – Rob Mariano blowjobs on-set (Probst approves of THIS buddy system.)
James Wall, – Kicking you while you’re down at challenges/Natalie Tenerelli commentary (You may as well take a seat, Natalie. Your legal guardian signed a permission slip allowing me to yell at you Ms. Tenerelli.)
Sam Belden, – You Say Colby I Say Donaldson (DONALDSON! PENNER! COCHRAN! MARIANO! Using last names to ensure the stars of tomorrow. Then there’s Borassi.)
Ryan Weiss, – Skipping People at the Reunion (John Fincher, Kelly, Yve, Tyrone, Benry, Purple Kelly, any Zapateran and early Ometepe boot with a vagina, I have nothing for you. You can fly back to home.)
Phillip Scherer, – Neck and neck (This one-vote race is neck-and-neck right now! We’re waiting for Sarah Casa’s miscounted vote to separate one from the rest of the pack!)
Dom Harvey, – 1 in x shot at a million dollars (Maybe if I say you have a 1-in-11 shot at winning, that would make a lame challenge slightly more dramatic.)
Francisco Grilo, – Back up for grabs (Immunity is back up for grabs, then Boston Rob’s d— is hopefully up for grabs, then Julie’s a– is up for grabs, and at the end of this year, my contract will once again be up for grabs.)
Elliot McMurchy, – Why shouldn’t you be voted out? (Defend yourself! What, don’t grab the spear from the ni-Vanuatu J.P.! We didn’t mean to defend yourself like that.)
Maxime Gauthier-LaFond, – Your game is not over yet cause you’re going to RI. (Which also makes snuffing your torch not as cool anymore, come to think of it. Now a burning wok gets to end your life instead of me. Boo.)
Julie Bentz, – Poverty (Pov-Par-no wait, definitely Poverty. . .Yes, I said the kids involved in The Serpentine Project are trying to get inside — I mean get out of Parvati. No, er, crap. You know what I mean.)
Karl Marquez, – throwing things to players unexpectedly (Hey Erinn, THINK FAST!)
Nelson Escobar, – Jeff selling Rob with Steve (Remember when Lex betrayed Boston Rob in All-Stars? Isn’t that memorable, guys. In fact, let’s observe a minute of silence for a brilliant move that has passed us by so long ago. . . . . . . . .OK, we’re back.)
Sarah Casa, – Africa and Gabon balls (Nothing is better than seeing Kim “Sisqo” Johnson being run over by a ball.)
P.S. Heh, Sarah’s vote was indeed counted for once.