39 Day Challenge (Day 21 — Best Twist)
Angie MacNeil, Gaby Rivera, Anne Curtis, Brian Wildman, Mervin Sanding, David Healy, Ian O’ Brien, Jason Bleau, James Wall, Brandon Alexander, Debra Marsh, Maxime Gauthier-LaFond, Bobby Harvey, Nelson Escobar, Ryan Weiss, – Idol (Blindside! Oh my goodness he played a fake one! Wait, he’s doing THAT with his idol?!
Rob Beasley, Julie Bentz, Jordan Crockett, Matt Pike, Joey Panullo, Aaron Frazee, Ben Nehls, Aaron Conn, Clay Halford, Sarah Casa, – tribe switch (For the past ten days, you’ve been here…now you’re over there! Aren’t we so clever? Thanks for being a good sport, Silas. OH HO HO HO HO.
Brett Watts, Diogo Almeida, – Men vs. Women (Will men use their brute strength, sexual neuropath ways of thinking, and Chris’ wife beater, or will women triumph with their bikinis, multi-tasking, and comparing Survivor to prison? Let’s do nothing but try to extrapolate differences between gender on Survivor!)
Alissa Schultink, Eamon Jawatin – Race divide (“Every day we’re forced to live and work with people of different ethnicities. Wouldn’t it be nice if we could be split up and compartmentalized like it used to be? Like it is in Heaven? Well that’s just what we did. This season we split them up based solely on their race: Asian Americans. African Americans. Mexican Americans. Real Americans. Team Soy Sauce! Team White Bread! Team Burrito! Team Chicken n Waffles!”)
Francisco Grilo, Jessi Bentley – Outcasts (In Survivor, it is true when your torch is snuffed that you’re out of this game. However, because of several Pagongings and the minority never overthrowing the majority except in Marquesas, we decided to bring back two players to ensure that never happens this time!)
Andrea Zabala, Clayton Spivey,- Exile Island (Life by yourself. It’s such a good life experience. Oh, and here’s an idol clue. It’s the fourth one so unless it’s Fiji, it’s been found anyway. Now let the life transformation commence!)
Jimmy Jt, Daniel Knowles, – RI -_- (No.)
Charlene Charles, – Amazon tribe pick (Gary, Jenna, the sexist jokes will now end…because you guys will now integrate. It’s up to you who goes where. Have fun.)
Bren Porter, – Hard to find idols (Bren Porter: Embracing Survivor: Fiji.)
Logan Saunders, – Palau’s tribe pick ‘em (Least biased tribe divide ever.)
Ricky Mentesh, – mutiny (For only three times in Survivor history, we will not switch tribes. It’s up to you to judge your status within the tribe.)
William J. Cisco, – No twist (Survivor symmetry trumps all formats!)
Elliot McMurphy, – Gabon Exile (Do you want the money or do you want the mob? Er, do you want the apple and shelter or a clue that will have you digging out a lagoon in hopes to recover a sandy crater?)
Alex Jordan, – Jumping off the ship in P.I. (Jump in your Armani suits, Shawn and Andrew! Sweet. Now, Alex Jordan is happy, isn’t he? This REALLY changed the game. Alright guys, our work for re-structuring Survivor this season is done.)
Ori Kohav, – Double Tcs (You want only one tribe to win immunity? Well, f— you. It doesn’t matter. You have to go regardless if your tribe puts in the effort to win a challenge that requires you to be dragged in the sand.)
Phillip Scherer, – First tribe switch (I call this board room meeting to discuss how the heck we get rid of Samburu before people start watching Friends.)
Brian Whitehead, – Clues in rewards (Grrr Na Onka. Why’d you smoosh our bananas? … Russell Hantz, this idol clue is brought to you by Sears . . . Russell Hantz, this idol clue is brought to you by the new Sprint Palm Pre!)
Rosey Sigglekow, – Marooning (You have two minutes to gather as much as I can, then recruits, GET OFF MY HILL.)
Karl Marquez (.5), – Auction (Believe it or not, the Dollar is inflated in Samoa. Grilled cheese sandwiches are priced at four hundred bucks, we swear.)
Karl Marquez (.5), – Choose-a-person (Do you want the Immunity Willard or Jonathan Libby? Jonathan you may as well–oh, Immunity Willard, welcome to Koror.)
All other twists – GTFO.